The Annual Climate Change Deniers Conference Must Change Venues Again
We apologise for any inconvenience
08/12/2036 UPDATE: Greetings fellow denier! We’re thrilled to announce the Phoenix Convention Center as the new venue for the Climate-Change Deniers Annual General Meeting 2037. We know that many of you were disappointed by the last-minute cancellation of this year’s convention, and we sincerely apologize — but what were the odds of that many tornadoes hitting at once? And in Manhattan of all places!?
11/01/2036 UPDATE
We hope you’re all getting excited now that our AGM is only three months away! However, I’m sure it comes as no surprise to those of you following the news to hear that, due to the unseasonable record rainfall that has been ravaging Phoenix, we will be changing venues. The Phoenix Convention Center has unfortunately been almost entirely submerged by floodwater.
While there had been hopes that it could be repaired in time, the sheer volume of large snapping turtles that have taken up residence in the floodwaters in the various auditoriums have hindered the efforts of engineers. As such, we are pleased to announce that Toronto’s Metro Convention Center will play host to our AGM!
The surprising disappearance of winter snow and ice, while allegedly devastating for Canada’s flora and fauna, has proved nothing short of a boon to their ability to host international conferences throughout the year, and we look forward to seeing you at the MTCC on 1 February!
01/07/2037 UPDATE
With our AGM but weeks away, we must unfortunately announce another change of venue. It doesn’t rain but it pours for the Climate-Change Deniers committee, but as we know, statistically abnormal catastrophic weather events are no cause for concern — even if they do start occurring with far greater frequency and severity.
I know we were all looking forward to sunning ourselves in that hot, hot, hot Toronto winter we’ve all been hearing about. Well, unfortunately, that warm weather has apparently forced thousands of ravenous polar bears to migrate south into the city in search of food. The MTCC have been unable to guarantee the safety of visitors, and so, we’re on the move again.
Thankfully, the Miami Aerodrome in Florida have kindly offered to host us at such short notice! We apologize for any inconveniences to your travel caused by this
01/25/2037 UPDATE
I’m sure you’ve all been reading the reports but, if you have yet to travel, DO NOT GO TO MIAMI. To those already at the venue’s hotel, please: hunker down; burn any furniture to hand for warmth, and try to ration the protein bars provided in your complimentary AGM gift bags until rescue arrives. Keep the faith, and believe that these blizzards will pass.
To everyone else, wow! Talk about bad luck? We’ll be sourcing an alternate venue ASAP; stay posted!
01/28/2037 UPDATE
The Tulsa Conference Center is our new port of call. See you there!
01/31/2037 UPDATE
Tulsa is a no go! Two words: Murderous. Bees.
On the eve of the event, we’ve managed to secure an alternate venue: the Kansas City Theater Center! We look forward to seeing those still able to travel.
02/01/2037 UPDATE
Well, the Kansas City Theater Center has rejected our deposit. They said that, thanks to recent food shortages, societal cohesion has broken down to such an extent that money is no longer accepted within the city, and a complex system of bartering has arisen in its place. Unfortunately, we were unable to meet their request for 1000 gallons of clean drinking water and 500 hogs to secure the premises, and so we will be relocating to a gymnasium in Wichita.
A group of us will be gathering at the ransacked Dunkin’ Donuts near main street to travel the I-35 together, to help protect us from roving petrol-bandits. Looking forward to seeing those still able to make it!
02/01/2037 UPDATE
Just our luck! We’ve just gotten word that Wichita isn’t looking too promising. Apparently. thanks to a depleted aquifer under the state, a large sinkhole has opened up, swallowing the gymnasium, and most of the city! What’s more, the force of the collapse has opened a quantum rift to what is being described as an ‘alternate dimension’. We’re being told that large numbers of ‘Violent Shapeless Beings’ are emerging from this Void, and it is unknown what lies beyond.
02/01/2037 UPDATE
The Climate-Change Deniers AGM 2037 will now take place on the other side of the Void, where we will hopefully secure a venue.
