The Last Weight-Loss Guide You’ll Ever Need

Forget slim, these tips will take you from alive to ghostly

Photo by alan KO on Unsplash

Hey ladies! It’s your favorite weight loss expert, Teeny Smalls, here at Body Beautiful Magazine, and I’m thrilled to share with you my tips on how to lose those pesky pounds with ease. Forget exercise and eating healthy, these tips are sure to wither you away into the wraith shape that’s so in right now.

1. Replace one meal with water. Once you’re used to drinking a nice cold cup of H2-woah for lunch, why not expand to two meals? Who needs dinner anyway? Take it just one step further and then swap your eggs and toast for water as well. Pretty soon, you’ll get used to your all-water diet, and the lack of any nutrients or carbs in your body will leave you thinner than you’ve ever been! Just be sure to eat a handful of almonds once a month so you don’t die. RIP Sandra.
2. Eat as much celery as you can. Since celery is a calorie-negative food, you’re actually losing weight every time you crunch through a stalk. Incorporate delicious celery into your snacks, meals, and even water quota for the day, and see those pounds just slide off.
3. Fruit peels for the win! Instead of eating a whole, calorie-full piece of fruit, stick to just the outer layer. I’m talking orange peels, apple skin, banana peels. Have you…