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Useful But Nonexistent Apps For Handling Politics On Social Media

Tools to help you stay sane and safe from now until the election

Kyrie Gray
Mar 27 · 3 min read

The political season is upon us, and is far longer than it needs to be. So your social media, which was once a place of joy, becomes a bloodbath and you just wish there were tools to make navigating these times easier. Luckily with these soon-to-exist apps, you do.

You know how it sometimes feels like you are screaming into a void when you talk about politics? Now you don’t have to wonder. Not only will your typing fingers be happy, but you will also get to let out some of that stress. Just turn on the app and scream your frustration into the black swirling hole. What happens after you yell those opinions? Nothing! It’s a void. Those words disappear. Which is very similar to what you were already doing.

There have been times I wanted to say something but didn’t want to have my mentions destroyed by political Twitter. Doppelgänger is a gig platform where people can form ghost accounts for you. They will post whatever you want to post and deal with (or ignore) the comments. Your own profile will be saved, you’ll have your say, and you’ll be participating without any threat to your well-being. All of this for a low $20 per month subscription.

Need a poll to illustrate how right you are? Now you just make one yourself. Using fun graphics and mysterious poll-takers you can find make a poll on anything. How would Bernie be doing if he owned a cat that ate a burrito? What percentage of voters who read Harry Potter before 2015 are likely to actually vote for Biden? Is there a correlation between Scorpios and populism? Just enter the information you need and you’ll get a poll to add to the pile of polls already suffocating people’s social media feeds.

If we’ve learned anything while using Void it’s that you can’t change people’s minds on social media. Still, you’ll get plenty of people demanding links to sources if you dare post anything against their candidate. With the Source app you can copy the post into the search bar and immediately be given all the pertinent sources that prove your point. Are they 100% accurate? Honestly, no one is sure. It’s not like anyone reads those links they receive anyway.

Did you know you can sometimes come across as a jerk when you are passionate bout something or someone? Surprising, but true. There is a time and a place to be a jerk. When we are rude at the wrong time we lose potential allies, pushing them away with our brusque behavior. This new edition of the Grammarly App will analyze what you are writing and, using the context of what you’re talking about and who you are talking to, decide if you are being a jerk. It will also give you suggestions for alternative ways to make a point that won’t cause friends to flee.

Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Humor inspired by the literature, history, and other…

Kyrie Gray

Written by

Writer, illustrator, and sometimes funny person.

Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Humor inspired by the literature, history, and other non-lucrative college courses

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