Voicemails From Lady Macbeth to Her Talent Agent
Show business can be murder
Hi Chris. The antidepressant audition you got for me went OK. The ad would just be a voiceover talking about a person feeling low and losing interest in everyday activities, over footage of me sitting with a cup of tea, looking out a window sadly, followed by upbeat clips representing me after starting Regretta — playing tennis, going to a concert, sitting in a café with a new man. Pretty standard. The only issue is the listing of potential side effects — violent outbursts, sleep disruptions, paranoia. Seems risky given the rumors about me. I don’t want the memes to write themselves. Let’s keep trying.
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Well, Chris, the bus stop display ad pays well, but unfortunately it’s for a criminal attorney – “For your messiest legal troubles.” So sadly, I’ll have to pass, as it could be misinterpreted. But keep sending me out! Something will be a fit.
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Chris, I love the idea of getting on a daytime drama, so thank you for setting me up for the Misty Towers audition. Unfortunately, they are looking for a replacement for Constance Brevity — aka Jacqueline LaFlamme — since Connie left for Grey’s Anatomy. Clearly you don’t watch the show or you’d realize Jacqueline’s latest storyline is convincing her husband to take over…
