Why You Need to Start Working on Your Perfect Summer Bod Today
The sea god demands a sacrifice
Summer is a magical season—a time when young villagers’ thoughts turn to adventure and romance. Because long sunny days are right around the corner, the moment to begin constructing your perfect summer bod is now. You’ll want to look transcendent in your flip flops and cut-off shorts.
Otherwise, when the horns of the deep blow, and the humans of our village are called forth to present themselves for his inspection, Poseidon will not be pleased.
Poseidon is a changeable god. One moment he might be calm and happy. The next he churns with judgement and rage. If he’s angered by your bedraggled toenails and haphazardly shaved belly button hair, not only will that be embarrassing for you, but it could be humiliating for our humble village.
I appreciate your efforts to be a perfect sacrifice. Some days it might feel impossible. Maybe you wake up sick, tired, or hopeless. Remember that your dedication is what allows our village to thrive, continuing to hold farmers’ markets, art walks, and solstice parades for years to come. We even got featured in a popular video by a minor YouTube influencer. That’s because of you.
