Your Catastrophic Insurance Coverage No Longer Covers Catastrophes

But your premium remains unchanged

Thomas Pease
Jane Austen’s Wastebasket
3 min readFeb 9, 2024

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Image from Unsplash

Coverage Changes

We at Sentinel Select Home Insurance are writing to inform you of important changes to your homeowner’s insurance policy. Previously covered Acts of God are now deemed human acts, or more specifically, failures to act. Catastrophes once considered natural disasters are now classified as unnatural because of human negligence. Beginning the first of the year, we will no longer cover property losses caused by floods, wildfires, and hurricanes. Nor will we cover damages associated with land slides, avalanches, tornadoes and wind events. Frozen pipes caused by extended power outages also lie outside of our adjusted policy coverage.

Exclusions for Pre-existing Conditions

If your area has experienced a catastrophic event in the previous 10 years, then your house is deemed to have a pre-existing climate condition and will not be covered. A catastrophic event is defined as any event listed in paragraph 1 that has occurred within a 50 mile radius of your dwelling.

Continued Loss Protection

Be assured that modified theft, flood and fire coverage remain a part of your policy.

We continue to insure against theft of loose change and bicycles, not to exceed $500. We cover broken windows from errant baseballs or when you find yourself locked out after the Santa pub crawl. Flood insurance extends to kitchen sprayers, wine spills, and pet accidents. Fire loss caused by steam irons and hair dryers will be fully compensated.

As always, Sentinel Select strives to maintain our customers’ peace of mind. As you hunker in the basement or seek high ground in the attic, Sentinel Select agents are close by, ready to address every minor damage claim.

If a climate event forces your neighborhood to evacuate, your policy protects vacant homes against rampaging preppers, unsheltered orphans, and marauding packs of starving dogs.

New Coverage Offerings

To offset the discontinued coverage related to climate disasters, we have reintroduced coverage from the past to protect your home and its valuable contents. Beginning with the new year, all policies will protect against kerosene lantern accidents, coal bin fires, and bed warmer conflagrations. Accessory structures such as barns, carriage sheds and outhouses will also be fully covered.

Inflation-proof Premiums

Even with these added protections, your premium will remain unchanged. Let us repeat that. Your premium will not increase next year. In the era of run-away inflation, this is truly remarkable and distinguishes Sentinel Select from its competitors, all of whom have increased their rates, sometimes by double digits. Through our expert actuarial analysis and strategic adjustments to our business model, Sentinel Select is able to pass a modest portion of our considerable savings on to you.

We Appreciate You

Thank you for your continued loyalty. Sentinel Select remains ready to protect your home against unforeseen disasters. Unfortunately, it’s the foreseeable disasters we must drop from our policies, since global warming is with us for the foreseeable future.

But this policy will continue to provide peace of mind. Pour yourself a velvety pinot. Let the puppy out of its kennel. Play ball with the kids in your back yard. Because we’ve got every little detail covered.

As a token of our appreciation, we included a complementary magnetic pocket calendar that neither sticks to the refrigerator nor fits in the pocket.

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Thomas Pease
Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Thomas is a retired English teacher who uses humor to highlight society’s foibles. Sometimes he’s viewed as funny, sometimes as a smart-ass.