You’re Invited to My Party for the Socially Anxious
I Promise It’ll Be Low-Key
In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I’m excited and more than a little bit terrified to invite you to my party to revel in our social anxiety.
What: Let’s be awkward together.
Where: My apartment. I’ve developed agoraphobic tendencies during the pandemic and am unwilling to venture out at this time. If you, too, are wary of leaving your house, sign up to receive my email recapping the event the following day. Any embarrassing moments will be redacted.
Directions: Click here for a link to Google Maps, complete with alternate routes in the very likely event of traffic, natural disaster, or flash mob.
When: 7:11 p.m. start (I have a thing with numbers). Naturally, you’ll want to arrive 15–20 minutes early for fear of making a conspicuous entrance. I guarantee you’ll be safe in bed by 10.
What to Bring: Proof of insurance; I will be carding. Only kidding! Most therapists are out of network anyway. Just bring an invoice from your shrink or a transcript of your latest text exchange with your mother.
A cardigan in case of chills or spills.
Deodorant.
