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Jane Austen’s Wastebasket

Humor inspired by literature, history, and life

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  • It’s Hard for Me, a King, to Find a Second Wife Who Won’t Murder My Children

    It’s Hard for Me, a King, to Find a Second Wife Who Won’t Murder My Children

    I’m want a second chance on love but also zero chance of my kids mysteriously dying.
    Go to the profile of Kyrie Gray
    Kyrie Gray
    May 22
    Quiz: Is Your Family Trying to Kill You?

    Quiz: Is Your Family Trying to Kill You?

    How many more of your mother’s nightly Jeopardy! recaps can you endure before you run away from home?
    Go to the profile of Liz Alterman
    Liz Alterman
    May 21
    In An Effort To Curb Your Erratic Sleep Behavior, I Am Drawing An Imaginary Line Down The Middle Of…

    In An Effort To Curb Your Erratic Sleep Behavior, I Am Drawing An I...

    Help me help you help me get some sleep
    Go to the profile of Aaron Chown
    Aaron Chown
    May 20
    I’m a Magic Bottomless Bag and I’m Tired of Carrying the British People’s Emotional Baggage

    I’m a Magic Bottomless Bag and I’m Tired of Carrying the British Pe...

    Reach inside me all you want, you’ll never be an empire again.
    Go to the profile of Caleb Coy
    Caleb Coy
    May 19
    I’m the Grillmaster for Our Memorial Day Party, My Wife Does Everything Else

    I’m the Grillmaster for Our Memorial Day Party, My Wife Does Everyt...

    An equal division of duties, at least for me.
    Go to the profile of Richie Zaborowske
    Richie Zaborowske
    May 16
    12 Possible Reasons Why You Abandoned Your Shopping Cart in the Middle of the Parking Lot

    12 Possible Reasons Why You Abandoned Your Shopping Cart in the Mid...

    Some people must have truly legitimate reasons to not put that cart away
    Go to the profile of Kyrie Gray
    Kyrie Gray
    May 15
    Name That Cramp! A New Gameshow You Don’t Want to Play But Have to Anyway

    Name That Cramp! A New Gameshow You Don’t Want to Play But Have to ...

    How well do you know your uterus?
    Go to the profile of Julia Wolov
    Julia Wolov
    May 14
    Acceptance Speech for the Film Where Bradley Cooper Pretends to Be a Sheep

    Acceptance Speech for the Film Where Bradley Cooper Pretends to Be ...

    Some actors take method acting too far
    Go to the profile of Sara Nicole
    Sara Nicole
    May 13
    Hernán Cortés leaves a Google Review of the Aztec Empire

    Hernán Cortés leaves a Google Review of the Aztec Empire

    And let’s just say: it’s a bit of a burner
    Go to the profile of Calvin Stevens
    Calvin Stevens
    May 12
    The True Lives Behind Those Celebrity Author Bios

    The True Lives Behind Those Celebrity Author Bios

    Outing writers who impress readers with their fictional lifestyles
    Go to the profile of Thomas Pease
    Thomas Pease
    May 9
    Ares Rates His Favorite Wars

    Ares Rates His Favorite Wars

    All’s fair in love and war when you’re messing with your dad
    Go to the profile of Aaron Chown
    Aaron Chown
    May 8
    Official Handbook for Navigating My Grandfather’s Tool Shed of Oddly Specific Warnings

    Official Handbook for Navigating My Grandfather’s Tool Shed of Oddl...

    Where everything is exactly where it should be, whether you understand it or not
    Go to the profile of Srini
    Srini
    May 7
    Couple Argues About Having a Child Amid Surefire Signs of an Impending Apocalypse

    Couple Argues About Having a Child Amid Surefire Signs of an Impend...

    The world is literally about to end, but they say it’s never really the right time.
    Go to the profile of Tmo Bradach
    Tmo Bradach
    May 6
    At This Craft Bar, You’ll Wait All Night for a Cocktail

    At This Craft Bar, You’ll Wait All Night for a Cocktail

    The night is just beginning, and so too is the crafting of your drink
    Go to the profile of Richie Zaborowske
    Richie Zaborowske
    May 5
    Fonts Ranked by How Much They’d Gossip About You Behind Your Back

    Fonts Ranked by How Much They’d Gossip About You Behind Your Back

    Sans serif? Sans shame.
    Go to the profile of Aarushi Ahuja
    Aarushi Ahuja
    May 2
    Job Postings From My Brutally Honest Freelance Writing Newsletter

    Job Postings From My Brutally Honest Freelance Writing Newsletter

    You, too, could be blessed with the opportunity to write daily content about vehicle dashboard screens.
    Go to the profile of Hillary Smith
    Hillary Smith
    May 1
    If Podcasts Existed in Fairy Tales

    If Podcasts Existed in Fairy Tales

    Show descriptions from Once Upon a Time Land productions
    Go to the profile of Kyrie Gray
    Kyrie Gray
    Apr 30
    Remember Me? It’s Your Very Chill and Relatable Student Loan Lender

    Remember Me? It’s Your Very Chill and Relatable Student Loan Lender

    We miss you and your payments, Bestie!
    Go to the profile of Lauren Piskothy
    Lauren Piskothy
    Apr 29
    An Apology to Our Yoga Clients for the Events That Unfolded at Our Animal Yoga Class

    An Apology to Our Yoga Clients for the Events That Unfolded at Our ...

    In retrospect, we should’ve put a little more thought into it
    Go to the profile of Hollie Harris
    Hollie Harris
    Apr 28
    A Letter to the HOA Regarding the Body Floating in Jay Gatsby’s Pool

    A Letter to the HOA Regarding the Body Floating in Jay Gatsby’s Pool

    I’m paying substantial fees yet this mysterious man has come into the neighborhood and flouts every regulation
    Go to the profile of Sue E OConnor, MD
    Sue E OConnor, MD
    Apr 25
    A List of Photos You Absolutely Must Post on Social Media if You Went on Vacation

    A List of Photos You Absolutely Must Post on Social Media if You We...

    If your legs were on the beach with no one to see them, did you really relax on that beach at all?
    Go to the profile of Amarie Skrzyp
    Amarie Skrzyp
    Apr 24
    Why I, Mama Bear, Am Divorcing Papa Bear

    Why I, Mama Bear, Am Divorcing Papa Bear

    I can’t be with someone who only views me as a mom
    Go to the profile of Kyrie Gray
    Kyrie Gray
    Apr 22
    The Metals in Your Phone are Definitely Not Cursed Like the Stolen Artifacts Of Pompeii

    The Metals in Your Phone are Definitely Not Cursed Like the Stolen ...

    Luckily, our corporate priesthood has wiped the slate clean.
    Go to the profile of Lauren McDowell
    Lauren McDowell
    Apr 21
    An Interview with the Lighthouse on the Cover of Every Cozy Beach Mystery

    An Interview with the Lighthouse on the Cover of Every Cozy Beach M...

    “Modeling became my light in the darkness.”
    Go to the profile of Scott Shewfelt
    Scott Shewfelt
    Apr 18
    How to Blog about Asia

    How to Blog about Asia

    A white man’s guide to blogging your trip through Asia in 2025
    Go to the profile of Calvin Stevens
    Calvin Stevens
    Apr 17
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