#114 Gaps

The year 2022 turned out to be our first year straight out of a nightmare. We were just thinking about the move to Norway and how to cope the few months that I’d be traveling back and forth.

One evening in January, Trevor got feverish. He came to sleep with Janne that night. She improvised by hanging some Christmas lights on top of my bass. That photo looks cozy, but for me it means when we all finally got COVID. We were vaccinated and had been careful, but we knew it would come anyway. It wasn’t that bad for the boys, a bit for Janne and bad for me. We made it.

Now, at the end of our second nightmare year, I got COVID again. I hadn’t been sick in more than 18 months. Adrenaline has been a companion keeping me away from any illness, but the Coronavirus is a worthy opponent. The boys have been healthy though. Yesterday I decided to take a test as I know that it doesn’t come positive at first. It still took me by surprise. Worst, it immediately brought my mood down because that day was to be a special day.

Daniel loves markets. He wants to trade, to make money, to talk with people. When the school announced a Christmas Fair in November, I immediately booked a space for him even though I knew nothing about it. Janne was his business manager. However, a day that started so low taught me so much about my support network.

Janne’s aunt had prepared waffles with Daniel. My sister had helped prepare some Lego surprise packages. His best friend was going to join him in his booth. The mother of Daniel’s friend offered to take him to school and back. My sister helped him take care of the booth. Even if sales didn’t go through the roof, Daniel still had his experience. I’m grateful with the four of them to be there for Daniel and me this day.

During the first time going through the date of our anniversary barely 13 days after Janne died, I decided to go out on my own. In the restaurant I picked, I made a selfie representative of how I have felt all this time: broken in pieces. After yesterday, I feel I’m starting to take the pieces and try to put them together. A big part of my heart will always be missing, but thankfully, others are starting to fill some of the gaps.