#153 Today

Last week, I took Daniel to his physical education class at school. They went skiing. He wasn’t keen on going because he said he doesn’t like it. I went with him to rent his boots, skis, poles and helped him put them on. I don’t know how to ski, but I know how to help him. Janne always did this and Daniel remembered it this day. As soon as he was ready and went outside, he just disappeared with a smile on his face. He was actually enjoying it. This made me a bit happy.

Just the night before, Trevor had forgotten about an assignment for school late in the evening. He asked me for help which is something he’s been learning to do these months. We rushed to a supermarket to buy a few newspapers as he needed to find something in there. He finished it on his own late at night. Next morning I got a notification that the had gotten an A, the best grade for this. This also made me a bit happy.

Hollywood movies have it wrong. Janne and I talked and laughed about how the storyline could be full of challenges, but there was always a happy end. It’s not about the end though. Life offers us more happiness during the story itself, but few of us see it right then. Our highest and happiest peaks happen in the middle of our journeys.

Those bits of happiness with Trevor and Daniel mean a lot to me. They are the little peaks happening in my life. I am present to enjoy every single one of them. Nothing can take them away from me, either worries about the future or sadness about the past. I can well have those concurrent feelings.

In our life together, Janne and I knew we were on a peak. I told her everything I felt as I felt it. We did as much as we could right then. “Today” was always more important than many years into the future. It wasn’t about our end destination, but about those bits of happiness during our journey.

One of the luckiest things happening in my life was not only finding Janne, but also knowing the good I had in front of me while having it. The abyss in my heart is still as big as when it broke open the day Janne died, but I can still enjoy the small bits of happiness life brings day by day.

Today is what matters and there is some magic in that.