#201 Trevor
Trevor has a birthday. I feel apprehensive as Daniel felt sad for a whole weekend after his birthday just a month after Janne died. Trevor is different though: he is as chilled as her.
The last moment when I was worried about Janne’s life before our year of nightmare was during the birth. Trevor was way past his due date to be born. He still takes his time for everything. We went to the hospital to induce labor.
I spent several hours next to Janne who was connected to all those machines which very much resembled the last nights of her life. By 3 a.m., there were no signs of any birth. A doctor came to check on Janne who was not that conscious anymore. He said that the blood pressure was on the limit so they took her for a C-section.
Same as when Janne died, I was alone with her in the hospital. I remember it was a peaceful and scary moment at the same time. I knew enough to just hope for the best. Janne was strong though so my worry was not as big.
The nurse came back with Trevor and gave him to me. Janne was still going through the post-op procedure. I couldn’t believe my eyes. My dad told me when I called him, “your life just changed forever”. I called my grandfather who was still alive to tell him the news and also to wish him a happy birthday. Now Trevor and my grandfather shared that special day forever.
I asked Trevor already several weeks ago what he wanted for his birthday party. One year ago, Janne still went up the stairs to the fun place Trevor wanted to have his party at. It was an old industrial building so I didn’t leave her side for a second until we made it. He told me that this time he just wanted a sleepover with a few of his closest friends here at home.
Trevor got what he wanted. He is growing so much. Janne won’t see it, but I know that she imagined him as an adult. I see her in him every day, on the way he keeps everything deep down to himself, on how kind he is to others, on how he never loses his cool. And I see myself in him too, in his curiosity and his wish to explore the world.
He’ll do fine.
