#218 July 20th

It’s easy to remember this day a year ago. Janne was already in the hospital. I had gotten into a routine to see her as often as possible. Two years ago, we knew already that there was something to worry about.

But there were other good days on the same July 20th date. The first two years were complicated and the last two were transitional. There were sixteen more days that were as important. Recency and primacy biases can be cruel. But I do have all the photos.

In 2018, we visited a fun park in Tampere. The boys wanted to see the Angry Birds playground where they ended up spending the majority of their time. It was such a fun day.

In 2014, we were working on the backyard of our house. I have a few photos of the boys and Janne next to the newly built wooden playhouse. Janne is happy playing with the boys.

In 2013, Janne was pregnant with Daniel. We were playing at the kitchen of our recently-bought house. Trevor is having fun with some vegetables, trying them out and making faces as they were sour while we were laughing. She made a funny face for me to make a photo of.

In 2012, I was trying to make night photos by the beach. I ended up asking her to pose for me for long-exposures in the late Estonian sunset, but also started capturing lots of portraits of Janne.

In 2009, I captured her in front of the butcher shop on Moore Street in Dublin. It was such a warm and quiet day, one of those that make me feel like she is still walking by my side without making any noise.

In 2007, I remember that Janne had placed three candles at the window in our Capel Street apartment in Dublin. She took the petals of some flowers (I’m sure I bought those) and placed them at the base.

Just a few days before lighting those candles, we had had spent a day walking around Dublin. At the end of our walk, we crossed a pedestrian bridge. I still see her crossing it over. I pulled my camera out to make a photo of her walking away. She noticed, turned around, smiled and raised her hands.

The last couple of years were hard, but I can’t think only of those. Janne left so much imprinted in my memory that even during my saddest moments, she is still turning around to make me smile.