#233 Quiet

When the pandemic hit us in 2020, the whole world had to withdraw into their own private spaces. As we all know, houses and apartments became pressure pots where relationship issues would become more evident. The whole world experienced a huge wave of grief which had a bigger impact.

For Janne and me, the pandemic actually was a good time. It sounds very bad to type it, but we found the time to enjoy being with each other even more. Our kids, of course, had the pressure to do remote studies and we had to work both from home. Outside that, we felt that someone had given us a gift.

We always said that we could spend any amount of time with each other regardless of our mood. We proved it during this time. If either of us was in a bad mood, we didn’t have to say anything. We could read each other like a well-known book. Moreover, we would each take care of the boys based on our moods without any prompting by the other one.

I recall when we had a conversation once, possibly over a morning cup of coffee. We said to each other how much we were glad to be together then. How we could just be quiet and it felt so comfortable. We didn’t need to explain.

Right now, I feel the same quietness. It could be oppressive if it was new after Janne died. However, the quiet just tells me that we could just be with each other, no words needed. I still have the fantasy when there is no noise around that Janne is just there, just relaxing, just being herself. I don’t need words to know that we could spend eternity with each other. Who knows, perhaps we will.