#54 Sustenance
In our ocean of trees, there is one particular point that means family. There is a hidden spot that few people visit as one has to walk around hidden paths and the river that goes through. We discovered this spot soon after we moved to this area. Daniel was still a newborn and Trevor was just two. One would be sitting in the pram while the other was hanging from a wheeled platform we attached behind.
I had the habit to take the boys by myself to give Janne a break. If we would go to the forest, this was one of the spots I would gravitate to. I can see them smiling when they were little.
Yesterday, out of the blue, I asked them to come with me to the forest. I’m always wishing I had more time to get them out of the house, but this time, I just felt I had to do it. They reluctantly came with me. Daniel asked me to go to this specific area. I was thinking exactly the same.
As soon as we arrived, both of them started reminiscing. “Dad, do you remember when we came here?” “Do you recall that it was so difficult for me to go up that hill?” “Remember that I liked to climb this set of wooden trunks?” We have so many memories in this place. Yes, I always remember of how we came, the four of us, too.
I asked them how they felt. Trevor said that he wasn’t worried about anything at the moment. Daniel told me that he was worried, more like sad, because he would love to play with mom. He told me that he has dreamt of this point where it slopes down towards the river, that it would open up like a pit, but then cars were coming out of there. I told him that places we dream of often are good places.
I am not worried about them. Conversations with friends have convinced me that they will be Ok. They will adapt even if they will always miss Janne. I worry more about myself as inside I feel less like a forest and more like a desert, but it’s a journey I have to take alone.
Yesterday, we forgot ourselves in the forest. I had to remind them after an hour that it was time to come back as they wanted to keep going. I asked them if they had had a good time and they both said yes. We will repeat it later, I said.
In my journey, these walks with the boys will sustain me.
