#63 Something in your eyes
I have a set of “safe” movies that I can watch at any time and multiple times without feeling bored. They come useful during stressful times.
When Janne went on morphine knowing that nothing could be done, she spent her time sleeping. The first night that I spent with her like this, I decided to pull her iPad and play one of my safe movies. I picked “The Equalizer”. Denzel Washington plays an insomniac, lonely, conflicted character called Robert.
Just fifteen minutes into the movie, this dialog comes through:
Teri: I’m Teri.
Robert: Bob.
T: You know, you don’t look like a Bob.
R: Oh, yeah?
T: You look like a Robert. Robert reads books like this. Bob watches TV.
[…]
T: There is no ring.
R: Hmm?
T: On your wedding finger, there’s no ring.
R: No.
T: No Mrs. Robert at home?
R: No.
T: Was there ever?
R: Once.
T: Did you break her heart?
R: She broke mine.
T: You know, I see a lot of widowed guys. Something in your eyes. You know, it’s not sad. It’s just kinda… lost, you know.
T: You always read books?
R: My wife did. She… she was working through the 100 Books Everybody Should Read. She made it to 97, so I figured… I’d give it a shot… and one day we’d have something to talk about when we get together.
T: Wow, a hundred books.
R: Yeah.
T: Holy moly. How many have you read, Robert?
R: Ninety-one.
T: […] Ninety-one books, though. You’re almost done.
R: Almost.
T: What are you gonna do after that?
R: Take singing lessons. Then I’m gonna open a donut factory. I am. What? Why are you laughing?
I know now why Robert was the insomniac, lonely, conflicted person he was (if I’d look anything like Denzel as a widower, that would be a bonus). Now I can believe the attitude and the drive he shows for the rest of the movie. That’s a dimension I started to understand by Janne’s side before she left.
Janne did not have her 100-book list. In fact, she didn’t have any project to complete. She took cancer as a way to discover her life project as she felt she had done everything she wanted to. I know she made some internal discovery in the last few months.
Janne’s potential was immense. Perhaps I write every day to discover where she was heading to.
