#65 Threshold
I took the boys away from Tallinn for the weekend. We went to do our regular combo of science museum and spa in the city of Tartu, about two hours from home. It was one of our safe options to enjoy together. As there is a school break, I know the hotel will be packed so I booked it a few weeks in advance.
Daniel was complaining all the way that it was so far. As soon as we arrived to the museum, both of them disappeared never to be found. I did eventually find them, but if I didn’t, they would probably still be there entertained. Trevor loves science. Daniel loves to make friends (he made one three minutes after arriving). This museum proves that they are my children.
I took a walk alone around the exhibits. There is a red jeep with a green screen to learn about filmmaking techniques. I recorded some videos of Janne and Daniel having fun in there. It’s so weird to see Janne in all the videos I collected. She was real in this world same as my love for her. Today only my love remains, but I also have all those videos and photos and memories proving she was here.
Trevor and Daniel are independent now. They don’t need me to be walking with them to explore. I have more time for myself. I am still very curious about science. I wonder what museum visitors made of this grey-haired guy entertained for a long time at the magnet-and-screw-bolts exhibit.
I could not avoid recalling our previous visits and feeling lonely. There is a particular exhibit that is broken now. Metaphors abound here. I remember Janne pushing her face through a curtain of fog like crossing an intangible threshold (metaphors everywhere). She looks peaceful. I’m sure I was too then.
I was curious about how we would take it. The boys are having a blast. As for me, even though there are lots of reminders of Janne, I feel good that we are taking these little hard steps. It doesn’t take away the vast empty hole in my heart, but there is consolation on continuing in the right direction.
Janne, I hope you made it peacefully across that other threshold.
