#96 The beauty around us
I consider beliefs a very private matter. I feel I get a pass this time as I’m pouring myself out searching for what Janne was made of. It’s also important for me to write it so Trevor and Daniel understand when I’m not here anymore.
Janne and I had friends from all over the world. I know that people reading this come from all different backgrounds, beliefs and religions. I find it warm when people send me a message to tell me that they will pray to their supreme beings or that they will perform a ritual in memory of Janne. I can feel the positive emotions sent my way.
As for me, I do not believe in any god in charge of my life or this universe. This is not a sudden change, but a conclusion of a path that started with inner thoughts when I was five years old. This brings me comfort as I know I’m in charge of my destiny. I know I don’t have control, but I can learn, adapt and accept. I was gifted with a brain that tries to understand what we have gone through.
I do have one belief which is the value of what connects all our lives. Janne is not here anymore, but I can see what she was made of manifested in this world. Some people would say that they are miracles, but I think this is what happens all the time around us if we open our mind and pay attention. Grief has made me open my mind even more and experience beauty in the middle of all this sadness.
Recently, I met someone new who was connected to a topic in one of my posts. I offered him a ride. When we were about to arrive to his destination, I told him that in 2010, Janne and I had come around there because we were trying a new sushi place that had just opened. Then I told him that I remembered where it was and pointed to the place. My new friend told me, “you are pointing right at my window”.
You can make what you want of it. As for me it was a combination of a good memory, our will to try new things, a timely post I wrote and the openness of two people to form a connection. Janne is still here.
I don’t believe in God and I don’t believe in life after death. But I do believe that the beauty that Janne was made of is still around. It’s just up to me to pay attention.
