#97 No regrets

On August 8th, I took Trevor with me to watch the movie Oppenheimer. I had already seen it once, but Trevor wanted to watch it too. It was a long movie, but I promised Trevor that after the big explosion two hours into the movie, we could leave.

We found an Italian food place that we had never tried. The waiter spoke Spanish which amused us. Trevor ordered a pizza and was a fan from his first bite. He is picky about new foods even if it’s his customary pizza with ham.

At 2 p.m. sharp, I got a message from Janne saying that we should talk before leaving the hospital (that would have been after 7 p.m.). I had a feeling, but she, even at the edge of her life, didn’t want to push me. I asked, “is it bad news?” She answered, “yes”. I just replied with a sad-face emoji and told her I’d be quick. That was my last text exchange with her.

A close friend picked Trevor up while I went to the hospital. The doctor had told Janne that she had only hours or days to live. Even though they were doing all what they could, Janne was losing a kilo (more than two pounds) a day.

I was prepared with a list of items I needed to know about: the dentist for the boys, vet information, heating maintenance, bank accounts. We went through the list in a few minutes. Janne hadn’t wanted to do this before as she was very positive, more than anyone.

Then we talked about how much we loved each other. She asked me to give her a hug, the one we hadn’t had a chance to give each other in more than a year. I asked, “since you are closer than me to the end, how do you feel?” She answered, “I don’t have any regrets and I’m not worried about anything.”

I called our friend to bring the boys. I had the ungrateful task of telling them at the lobby of the hospital that their mom was going to die soon. Daniel didn’t react because he wants to be strong. Trevor broke. I told them that they should say goodbye.

Daniel stayed for a bit and asked me to go. Trevor talked with Janne for a while. I waited for 40 minutes and then came to get him. He was at peace when he left.

Our lives had been everything we wanted and then some. I had no regrets either.