I can Never Escape from Writing

My downside of being a freelance writer

Mai(はな)
Sep 16, 2019 · 4 min read

Life is unpredictable. I started writing as a freelancer when I was waiting for the residential status as an immigrant in Canada because I couldn’t go out job-hunting without it. I like writing and I remembered that I had loved writing when I was younger, but I had never imagined that I could have become a writer before.

Now I am writing and blogging. I am a full-time writer and I work at home. People say that my lifestyle is nice. I think so too, but still, there are some downsides as well. There is no perfect job in this world.


Because I work at home most of the time I don’t have to commute and therefore I don’t have to spend any money on commuting. There are lots of people who waste hours commuting every day. I am lucky that I don’t have to travel around for my work and I don’t have to be stressed out with the traffic.

I don’t have to care about my clothes and make-up, either. I used to put make-up on every day when I was working before. Getting dressed and putting make-up on or shaving, steals your time of the day. It might be five minutes every morning, but how long would the total accumulation be in your life?

As a writer, I had some contracts with my clients. That’s is how it works for freelance writers to keep their income stable. I am not sure about English writers, but it is the case for Japanese writers.

There are different types of writers, but I am a web-writer, so I mainly write articles online. That’s why I can work anytime, anywhere, as long as I can be connected to the internet.

I can work at home or in a cafe with wifi. I can even work while I am in Japan or anywhere else in the world. However, because you can work anytime, anywhere, it does mean that you can never escape from your work.


The winter in Quebec, Canada, is long. There is already fire in our stove and it is only September. It starts snowing at the end of October and the land is covered with ice and snow until the very end of April.

Every year, my boyfriend and I escape from the Quebec winter, so that we can shorten our winter. The winter here is beautiful, but it is just too long. During the Christmas and New year time, we go somewhere warmer, normally in South-East Asia. We travel for a few weeks there and stop in my hometown in Japan, then come back to Canada.

My boyfriend is an office worker. It’s his winter vacation. So he can switch off his work completely during his holidays, but I can’t. When I am travelling anywhere, I still think about my work: writing. It’s also because I write my travel blog. I even keep writing on our vacation.

I don’t have any contracts with the clients anymore. I can stop writing if I want. Nobody forces me to write, but I cannot.

Writing is an addiction. I think about writing every time, every day and night. I wrote about this before.

As soon as I wake up in bed, I start thinking about what I am going to write on that day. While I am awake, I am obsessed with writing. While I am in bed, I dream about writing.

Since the moment when I fell in love with writing, I’ve lost my true ‘holiday’. I can never escape from writing which is my work if you call it is a ‘job’.


A few days ago, I was depressed and I thought I was going to quit writing. I even thought that I would delete all of my writings which I have never deleted before.

However, fifteen minutes after the idea of quitting came to my head, I started feeling that my fingers were missing my keyboard. It’s like the most important lover in your life who you are never able to forget.

I am overwhelmed by my ideas, my words, my letters, my messages and my stories; creativity, imagination, Japanese, English…

Writing is my meditation. The sound of my typing is my most favourite ASMR (Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response).

Writing is like my shadow which follows me everywhere I go. I can’t cut it away from myself.

Every time I sit in front of the white screen, I am excited thinking about what kind of stories will come next. I have never ever escaped from it, and I won’t be able to. My real ‘vacation’ won’t come to me until I die.


HANA is a Japanese born writer who writes stories and poems in both English and Japanese. If you are an English reader, you can follow her English publications, ‘Etude of Creativity (poetry, haiku, fiction)’ and ‘Japanese Writer (blogs & essays)’ or on Twitter.

All stories written by HANA are here (a list in English).

Japanese writer

A view from Japanese writer, about Japan, to decode its society and to glimpse the culture.

Mai(はな)

Written by

Used to be named as Hana. A Japanese born blogger and writer who currently lives in Canada. https://japanesque-cafe.com/

Japanese writer

A view from Japanese writer, about Japan, to decode its society and to glimpse the culture.

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