How I Started a Cafe to Discuss Death
Death Cafe — A safe place to openly chat about everything about death
What Is a Death Cafe?
Have you heard about Death Cafes? A Death Cafe is a gathering to discuss death casually while eating cakes and sweets and drinking tea.
According to Death Cafe, there have been 15,176 Death Cafes in 82 countries since September 2011. Death Cafe has become widespread in Japan in the past few years. In this article, I will talk about what Death Cafe is, the reasons why I started one, and how the Death Cafes have been held.
A Death Cafe can be organized by anyone who is interested in holding one. At Death Cafe, the following three things are necessary:
- A host and facilitator
- A venue with refreshments
- People who want to talk about death
Death Cafes never intend to lead participants to any conclusion, product, or course of action. Death Cafes are an “open, respectful, and confidential space” so that participants can share their views safely. Death Cafe is also a non-profit event, not a bereavement support or grief counseling event, and does not give any information about death and dying. Death Cafes offer time and space to discuss death without expectations. The purposes of Death Cafe are helping people make the most of their lives by making them aware of death.
Why Did I Start a Death Cafe?
There are two main reasons why I started a Death Cafe. The first is that I lost my wife in 2010. I was searching for what I can do for others with such an experience. This life-changing event brought me unknown emotions and entirely changed my life.
However, in the few years after the loss when I finally met a grief support professional who cares about the people who lost loved ones and are grieving, I realized that this change is caused by grief which is intense emotional sadness caused by the loss of a loved one
The second main reason is Community Cafe. Almost at the same time when I met that grief support, I had a chance to take a workshop about how to found a Community Cafe. Community Cafe is a place in a local community where people gather or belong to. Its purpose is to support child care, aged people, and disabled people by offering such a space. Community Cafe is a term defined by the public interest corporation, Wonderful Ageing Club in Japan, and is a nationwide approach.
During the few months after learning how to found a Community Cafe, I searched to find what I can do with my experience of loss and this Community Cafe. At first, I thought I could offer a grief café. However, I did not limit participants to only the people who experienced the loss of a loved one. My ideal café should be offered regardless of age, gender, race, and the loss of a loved one.
Therefore, I decided to launch a Death Cafe after accidentally finding the group on the internet. I consulted with Jon Underwood, founder of the current Death Cafe model, and with a psychiatrist and the director of the Sendai Grief Care Study Group about launching Death Cafe Sendai. As a Sendai native, I named it Death Cafe Sendai and launched it in September 2015.
How I Organize Death Cafes
I have organized twenty-one Death Cafe events so far and was invited to the sister events, Death Cafe Ishinomaki twice as a supervisor. Death Cafe Sendai had a variety of participants and discussed death casually. Some of the participants were healthcare professionals, care workers, and funeral directors. Participants loved to share their views about bereavement, death, and end-of-life, and listen to others’ views.
Death Cafe Sendai events are limited to ten people maximum. Six people or fewer is ideal to organize the event to be able to have an in-depth discussion. I sometimes play and sing a few songs and invite guest musicians, poetry readers, and picture book readers to events to make Death Cafe more artistic. Some Death Cafes were held in collaboration with other Death Cafes.
However, since confidentiality and a friendly atmosphere are so essential, I have never collaborated with other Death Cafes to organize a Death Cafe event. However, I want to attend other Death Cafe as a participant since virtual Death Cafes have been happening all over the world.
Social networking is important to announce the event although event flyers are still effective. Word of mouth is also key where some past participants invite others. While some people love to listen to what other participants say, others love to discuss. In my Death Cafes, I do not impose on participants to share their stories. Some people just want to sit and listen to others.
Talking about death and dying will not kill you. Death is a part of life. Death Cafe is a great opportunity to discuss death, share your views on death with others, and listen to other people. It might help you prepared for death and make the most of your life.
Links:
Death Cafe
https://deathcafe.com/
朝日新聞電子版 死を語り合い、生を見つめる 「デスカフェ」催し各地で 2018年6月20日付
https://www.asahi.com/articles/DA3S13547550.html
日経電子版 死について自由に語ろう 2016年10月18日付https://style.nikkei.com/article/DGXMZO08447610X11C16A0NZBP00?channel=DF130120166126&style=1
