I-shin-den-shin: Why the Japanese Value Communicating Without Words

Cultural considerations embedded in unique Japanese phrases

Photo by DLKR on Unsplash

“I have a favor to ask you,” the Filipino student said during his first Japanese lesson with me. “I know the Japanese concept of 本音と建前 (honne-to-tatemae), and I don’t want you to use that with me.”

This request caught me off guard. As a beginner of the Japanese language, I didn’t expect such abstract words from him. The high-level words 本音と建前 (honne-to-tatemae, honne & tatemae) express a communicative manner typical of Japanese people.

本音 (honne) is one’s feelings from the heart, whereas 建前 (tatemae) is the feelings that you allow others to see. 本音と建前 (honne-to-tatemae) conveys Japanese people’s attitude to distinguish one from the other depending on the situation.

I can imagine my student’s feeling. He must have done some research about Japanese people before his first Japanese language lesson. Knowing this concept, he must have felt intimidated to talk with someone who is smiling but hiding her genuine feelings deep in her mind. I felt sorry for him.

So, does this mean that the Japanese are a group of liars or fibbers? No, that’s not quite true. In fact, in Japanese society, where putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is…