Visiting Japan to Attend a Wedding
It was not at all what I was expecting
As an American who has seen my fair share of different weddings, the idea of experiencing an authentic Japanese wedding enticed me from the beginning.
My first travel overseas was a trip to Japan with my brother. After playing tourist in Kyoto and Kobe where I was already overcome by its sheer beauty and elegance, the climax of the trip was the wedding of my sister-in-law’s nephew.
To prepare, I read up about Japanese weddings. Everything in Japan is steeped in culture and tradition. I learned about Shinto ceremony and was excited to participate in the nan-nan-san-ku-do.
I was surprised that instead of heading to a beautiful temple like the tons I’d just seen in Kyoto, we went into a hotel in downtown Osaka. A hotel? How American. Instead of a meticulous zen garden, I was looking at a fancy high-rise building and escorted into an elevator.
Now don’t me wrong, Japan knows how to do even that better that America. We were greeted on the ground level by a beautiful Japanese woman and directed to where to wait before the ceremony.
Once we were off the elevator, we were greeted once again by yet another beautiful Japanese woman inquiring what side of the family we were with, then escorted to our room. Since the groom was my sister-in-law’s nephew, we were taken to a private room for his side of the family.
Our waiting room even included an exclusive changing room for the women. Wow, how convenient! Away from the masses, it felt like a cross between a high-end department store dressing room and a high school locker room.
Going into an area in the middle for the separate families to meet and mingle, I almost felt like I was part of a jury being being sequestered in a courtroom. The idea of being separate from the get go was certainly interesting.
My own wedding was as different from this as possible. Held at my husband’s parents’ 8 acre farm, we got married on a little pier overlooking a pond with our guests standing around us. They didn’t even have seats! After the ceremony, they were served pizza (yes, pizza!) and pasta in a buffet under a big white tent on the lawn. Baby! Seats were included. I walked around barefoot in my wedding dress because my stupid shoes were killing my feet. Casual is an understatement.
After the entire family was gathered in the room, I was shocked when people started to stand up, introduce themselves and say a little something. Thank goodness I had listened to How to Speak Japanese for two months before the trip because it let me put together a few sentences that impressed my audience.
This girl studied for months, but the only thing I could remember was how to introduce myself. I said hello, how are you, my name is and thank you. Well, it turns outs that’s all I really needed to know to get treated like a superstar. Suddenly everyone went from unsure how to talk to me to being super friendly. They showed so much enthusiasm and appreciation for the fact that I had learned a little Japanese to gain their respect. I felt like such a good student.
After that, we are guided to the wedding hall where the bride and groom were to be married. By now, I wasn’t even going to begin to guess what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t what happened next. We took our seats and I looked around a bit confused. It looked like an American wedding. Hell, there was even a choir!
But nothing prepared me for what was next. I was absolutely stunned when I saw a blonde American Catholic priest appear dressed in a…suit!? A tie!? Under his papal robe!? Blonde?! WTF?!
Ok, I thought, this is different. I am all for different, believe me, but this girl had a least some mild expectations. Well, that bubble bursted all over the place when the bride made her grand entrance walking down a staircase in a beautiful white Western princess gown straight out of a Disney fairy tale. I don’t know what I was expecting but it certainly wasn’t that.
She looked incredible, he was handsome and it was a beautiful ceremony. Yet, the star of this whole gala for me was the mother of the groom who gave me exactly what I had been yearning — full-on kimono. She looked exquisite.
I was expecting traditional intricate kimonos on at least maybe half of attendees? I mean, kimonos everywhere! Instead, I got a scaled-down version of a royal wedding, maybe not one of a princess but at least a viscount or baroness. The bride was even wearing a crown!
During the reception, I was so surprised at how choreographed everything was. There was an emcee, and she more like a mild dictator, for goodness sake. She had everything organized down to the millisecond, including the ending where every table is called individually and basically told you may leave now, go home. My wedding was an anarchist free for all, do as you please. We even had friends who weren’t invited crash the wedding. Can’t imagine how that would have gone over here.
Even though I still wonder wonder what a traditional Japanese wedding would be like, the bride and groom actually made me feel like a princess. People smiled at me constantly and they even gave ME a gift! A beautiful silk handkerchief with my name embroidered in Japanese. I still keep in my pocketbook to this day. Now that’s the kind of wedding I can get used to and proves yet again the Japanese just do things better. Presents for thee!
In the US, we don’t give presents to our guests, the only thing you go home with is a sense a relief, regret or a great memory. Luckily for me, this wedding and my trip to Japan was one of my greatest memories ever.
