Will My Success Scare My Future Husband?

Last night, I got the chance to see “Hidden Figures”. It was AMAZING! This movie brought credit to the women (Katherine Johnson, Dorothy Vaughan, and Mary Jackson) who were behind the scenes in placing man into space. For me, the movie was more about these women not being afraid to break stereotype of what a woman in the 1960s was supposed to be like. Not even just a woman, a black woman. Black women worked in domestic settings or were secretaries for offices. There were not many opportunities for these women to shine because men held all of their power. That was the way it was, but those three hidden figures broke down many barriers for a nerdy black girl like me.

They confirmed that it is ok to be smart. It is ok to have a vision for your own life. There is beauty in going after what you want out of life, even if it is not a man and children. These three women had the family and children, but they knew they had the gifts to do more. This was evident in their demeanor in that they would not take “no” as the final answer to their fate.

Katherine and Mary’s scenes with the men in their lives stood out to me. Neither one of them dared to let a man take away their shine. While Katherine was a widow, and could have been desperate to have a man, she told who would become her second husband that he should not have underestimated her. Essentially, he was shocked that a woman had that powerful of a brain. Similarly, Mary’s husband did not believe she would become an engineer, but she persisted past what the closest person to her thought. You see, these women could have easily crumbled to please someone’s ego. Instead, they continued doing what they were most passionate about. In time, those men came to their senses that those women had dreams, just like them.

This article will probably affirm the northern girl, but contradict the beliefs of the southern girl, like myself. Maybe you are in your 20s or older, and you haven’t quite settled down just yet. It probably is almost like a nightmare. You just knew you would be married by now! Worrying about it won’t speed up the process of being with your future husband, nor will dimming your light.

Light? Yes, your light. It’s the great things inside of you that should manifest in the world. I know you have HUGE DREAMS! The ones you try to shut off until your spouse comes along. Travel the world. Build a business. Go back to school. Whatever it is that you are dreaming to do, waiting until your spouse comes along is dimming your light.

This world needs you NOW, not when you think you have arrived. I used the term arrived to describe the southern cultural depiction that the highest point in our lives is when we attain marriage. My dear, your highest point in life is not when you decide to marry someone. Your highest point is when you are determined to be a light in this dark world.

From my own experience, I have encountered men who down right want their women to be barefoot and pregnant. {Pregnant? Someday. Barefoot? Nah. Shoes are kind of my thing.} That’s just not all that I want for myself. It shouldn’t be all that you want either. When you discover what you want, please don’t apologize for it. I had a guy flat out tell me that he did not want to date me because I had TOO MUCH going for myself. Huh? You want someone that doesn’t have anything? Scary, right?

What’s even more scary is the fact that some of the most successful women scare the crap out of some men. It’s true. Although women have made momentous strides in almost all professions, some men have not come to grips with it. It can be daunting to shine your light because you don’t want to bring attention to yourself. I mean really, who wants a man to be intimidated by their success?

I am hear to tell you that any man who doesn’t want you to have success is not a man at all. He is a grown man with the mind of a little boy in competition with the girl who can run faster than him at recess. There’s nothing you can do about this person being intimidated by what you do. But please, don’t dim your light. Be everything you were called to be, and I promise you will attract the person who will enhance and magnify your light, not try to dim it.

To answer the question, “Will My Success Scare My Future Husband?”, it will absolutely not. If he is the man for you, he will add fire to your light. He will never let it burn out because he knows that you two together will set the world on fire.

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