Don’t Blame Your Phone. Blame Yourself
How many times in a given day do you reach for your phone, unlock it, and stare at the home-screen, not sure why you pulled it out in the first place?
I’ve done this more times than I care to admit. And for a while now, I’ve theorized on this site that owning an iPhone has made me dumber.
If I was to chart, say, my clarity of mind, alongside the number of years I’ve owned a smartphone, it would look something like this:
While there’s no way to go back in time and test this theory, I believe there is some truth to it. For nearly 10 years, I’ve owned an incredible device that lets me discover anything I want, when I want, where I want it (within the limits of what mood AT&T is in, of course).
What is Melissa Johnson from high school up to after all these years?
Why is belly button lint a thing, and how can I stop it from happening?
What exactly is dark soy sauce, and in what aisle of WholeFoods can I find it?
Not only was discovering random bits of information on the internet useful, but once smartphone usage hit a critical mass, connecting with friends and acquaintances changed the game.
Add on the App Store and push notifications, and you’ve got a recipe for an extremely addicting device.`
Over the last few weeks I’ve started to change my relationship with my iPhone. And I’ve realized that this device is in fact not to blame for seemingly less-sharp mind.
I am.
Whether or not our smartphones and the apps we use were engineered to be addicting is besides the point.
At the end of the day, I’m the one who decides to reach for my phone while driving. I’m the one who reaches for my phone mindlessly while waiting for the elevator. I’m the one who feels a buzz and pulls out his phone while having dinner with friends.
Phones are slabs of metal, glass and silicon. They sit there, waiting to be used. They don’t force us to use them. We make the decision to — often subconsciously.
Realizing this, for me, was a big step in taking responsibility for something I used to blame on an inanimate object.
The next step was taking control.
Fortunately, there is a proven technique to counteract our over-use and misuse of our devices.
It’s called being mindful.
Last week I was at a going away party for a friend. As typically happens at these things, there was a lull in the conversation. Instead of embracing the silence or trying to find something to say, I felt an urge shooting down my right hand. It said “pick up your phone motherfucker.”
I noticed the impulse.
Maybe I had gotten an important work email that needed my attention. Maybe.
Ultimately I caved. I had no emails. No texts. Nothing.
While I gave in to this particular impulse, lately I’ve been much more mindful of how, when and where I use my phone.
Pausing to catch these urges is a fascinating exercise in itself. They often come up at inconvenient times. And upon examination, when I ask myself is texting Steve back really important right now? — nine times out of ten the answer is no, it can wait.
One experiment I’ve used is to select specific times and situtations to avoid using my phone: while walking, using the bathroom, and while waiting for or using an elevator. If the task is deemed important enough (which again, it usually isn’t), I will stop walking and move to the side of the hallway, or write it down. And if it’s super important, I’m going to remember it later.
Not only does this technique set the bar low (I’m not eliminating phone usage entirely), but these location-parameters are easy to remember.
Failure is inevitably a part of this exercise.
In addition to using my phone at my friends going away party, there have been plenty of times I’ve given in while waiting for the elevator or driving. In these situations, I simply acknowledge how hard this new habit is to build.
Beating yourself up over failing to create new habits is not a productive way to learn. In fact, it can lead to the opposite of the intended result.
In a paradoxical way, letting your inner critic win the microphone rarely motivates, but instead instills a belief that you will ultimately fail (You can’t even resist your phone for a stupid text? You must be the type of person who can’t control himself). This is why the “just one more cookie” mentality can lead to an empty package of Oreo’s.
The best response is to accept what’s happening and give yourself a break. New habits are hard to build. More steps forward, fewer steps backward. And being okay with it.
Smartphone usage is pervasive. It’s hard to go against the stream. Sometimes, while standing in a full elevator at my office, I feel silly being the only person not on the phone.
But this isn’t about following the crowd.
This is about taking control and using technology wisely…
Letting my phone serve me. Not being a servant to it.
