How To Keep Your New Year’s Resolutions Going

It’s February, 2018. Do you know where your resolutions are?

You don’t need to look at the studies to know that keeping New Year’s resolutions, goals, intentions… whatever you call them, is extremely difficult.

Our old habits come back in full force, ready to take over like it’s 2017.

I tend to stress eat. Particularly with sugary baked goods. Gooey chocolate chip cookies. Brownie bites. Chocolate hazelnut cookies from Trader Joe’s.

This year, so far, I’ve been trying to eat mindfully. I’m not on a diet, per se. I’m just eating a little more slowly. Noticing when I get full. Not eating for the sake of eating, or for filling an emotional void.

Last week I had a particularly stressful day at work. On my drive home, I thought about what I could buy to accompany the leftover lasagna I had waiting for me in my fridge. Immediately, I thought, DESSERT!! My apartment is two blocks from WholeFoods, and man, do they have good cookies. I could “walk” off the calories! You deserve it buddy, it’s been a hard day.

Usually, my counter-strategy would have been this:

I’d try to rationalize my way out of the urge. I’d fight the temptation. You don’t need it, Jared. Just eat your dinner…or buy a salad or something, and be good tonight.

This is what most of us do. It’s what I’ve done my entire life. We’re taught that temptation is something to FIGHT, to resist, to push back against. “Have some self control” we’re told, early in our lives. But is this really a sustainable strategy? Even if you “win” now, the temptation will come back, and you may have less willpower then.

Once I got home, I did something I have never done before.

Instead, I leaned into the impulse. I examined it, without judging. I noticed not an intrinsic feeling for something sweet (saliva pooling in my mouth, for instance), but stress manifesting itself in my chest and shoulders. Aha! Stress! You’re the culprit here.

I told myself You had a hard day — it’s okay. Everyone has hard days. I felt directly into the sensations of tension in my chest and shoulders. And after a few moments, it was gone.

I walked to WholeFoods, bought some garlic bread to have with my lasagna (which was, of course, adjacent to the baked goods section), and didn’t think twice about buying any cookies.

Many of us have goals we want to reach this year, whether it’s to lose weight, become a healthier person or start that new project. Reaching a new goal involves creating new habits, or destroying old ones.

Anyone who has ever started a new habit has been tested along the way.

If you fight temptation or craving it will fight back. That’s what it’s designed to do. It will fight back until you’re forced to give in. Until you have no more willpower left.

But if you examine it with curiosity, you have a much better chance of choosing how to respond.

Here are the steps to do this:

1. Look inward. Where, physically, is is the craving coming from? Simply identifying the location in your body can sometimes weaken it.
2. Feel into this part of your body without judgement (you likely will judge it — i.e. I shouldn’t be feeling this way — but notice and try not to believe it).
3. Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge how hard this is. Remind yourself of the reason you started this habit in the first place.
4. Ask yourself what is the appropriate response right now?

Logic rarely works against feelings. But feelings can work against feelings. That’s why logic only comes in to the last step, #4, once the feeling has less of a grip over you.

Try this next time you’re about to go off track with a new habit, goal or resolution. It may not work every time, but in my experience, over time, it is a sustainable strategy to make decisions that are in your best interest.