Discovering Jesus Despite Years of Church, Part 3

The big question: now what?

At the end of 2015, Ariana had gone through three rounds of IUI, a way of inserting sperm directly into the uterus to improve chances of conception. The possibility of pregnancy was slightly better than naturally conceiving, but we still didn’t have a large hope in the procedure. We had tried for almost three years without any signs of pregnancy, so it wasn’t a huge shock when we found out each IUI cycle had been unsuccessful.

I had always believed that our family wasn’t finished yet, but the disappointment each month was starting to grate on me. No amount of fertility research or diet changes could fix the fact that we just weren’t getting pregnant.

We still had our best option for a pregnancy left.

Having exhausted our other options, we found ourselves sitting at the fertility clinic in August of 2016. We had finally decided to pursue a round of IVF.

Everyone Aboard the IVF Rollercoaster

IVF was a much more involved procedure, including egg retrieval, test tube fertilization, and quite a bit of money. Fortunately for us, the Government of Ontario had just passed legislation months before, offering to pay for the procedure, and we’d only pay for the drugs.

There were some interesting ethical decisions to be made during the process, but we believed that God was with us and wanted us to go through with the procedure. After a month of countless needles, ultrasounds, doctor appointments, and thousands of dollars, we were ready to begin the egg retrieval and fertilization process.

At the beginning of October, we retrieved eleven eggs. The procedure reminded me how thankful I was to be male. The doctors seemed pleased with how things went, so we drove home and began the waiting game that all IVF participants dread.

In the final segment of IVF, the eggs are fertilized, cultivated, and grown until they hopefully become blastocysts – which are four or five day-old embryos. The journey to blastocysts is a fragile one, and the general rule is that sixty percent of embryos survive fertilization, and another sixty percent survive to day three.

We anxiously waited for the daily phone call, giving us updates.

Eight eggs fertilized.

Five eggs growing well into day three.

Day five arrived. Ariana and I had to travel to Toronto to do the implantation of one of our embryos, and we were nervously excited. Would this be it? If this didn’t result in pregnancy, at least we had a couple more embryos to try.

I parked the car while Ariana went into the clinic. After getting off the elevator, I saw Ariana waiting for me, and it didn’t look like she had received good news.

We sat in the doctor’s office.

“I’m sorry, but all of the embryos stopped growing past day three. We’re all perplexed, but we have no answers for you. At this time, we don’t recommend another round of IVF.”

I started to understand why people turn to material things in times of suffering, but I was so thankful that the good news of Jesus had been revealed to us. We didn’t have anywhere to go but to the gospel.

We should’ve been beaten down with frustration, sadness, and condemnation. We should’ve been at every life group about miracles, healing, and had Bible verses about breakthrough everywhere in our house.

Yet the simple message of Jesus had grabbed us.

We cried, yet found peace.

We despaired, yet found hope.

We had nothing, yet we had Him.

Giving Up Everything for the Gospel

Reading through church history, I started to realize I wasn’t the first person to go through tough times in life. My circumstances even seemed tame compared to many Christians throughout the centuries. Stories of loss, martyrdom, torture, bodily and mental illness, rejection and persecution littered the history books. What struck me was the incredible and almost irrational hope these people had in Jesus.

Their prayers were mostly not of deliverance, but of thankfulness and praise. Their stories were mostly forgotten, and many of their sacrifices useless in advancing the kingdom of God. Yet, their stories resonated with me deeply — how could a gospel of suffering, pain, rejection and hardship even be good news at all?

Jesus was finally getting to me. After years of being in church and countless hours of serving, attending classes, small groups, and Bible reading, the gospel was being revealed.

I started reading the Bible again and the pages became alive. Parables to help live life well transformed into beautiful testimonies of Jesus’ work on the cross and the freedom we have in Him. Passages telling me how to please God instead became stark reminders of my inability to fulfill the Law, and my freedom from it because of Christ. Paul’s obscure letters migrated from an inspirational verse about victory into an astonishing treatise on the gospel.

Through all we’d experienced, learned, and grown over the past few years, the gospel shone more clearly every day. Even though our life circumstances didn’t improve, our revelation of who Christ was and what He did for us became our life.

Ariana and I needed to tell our story, not because of our great ending in victory, but because of Jesus. We see people all around us, in church and outside of church, who need the message of God’s grace come in human form.

We need it because Christ is the only hope for the world.

He doesn’t give us our answer. He offers Himself.

Re-Examining the Foundation

As our church transitions into a leadership change, and the North American church also undergoes a generational shift, I see few of my generation who have stuck around. We’re anxious for fresh ideas, new opportunities to lead, and creative ways to do church differently. While I’m all for these things, I’m afraid we may miss the point of what church is really about.

When you move into an older house, an important thing to do is to hire a home inspector. One of the main issues is the solidity of the foundation. Often, over the course of many years, the foundation has cracked, shifted, and maybe even heaved in some places.

If the foundation isn’t solid, buying the house may result in big problems down the road and may even be dangerous to move into. It’s important to examine the foundation before the house is purchased.

In the same way, as our generation (and the generations after us) inherits the leadership of our church, we need to examine the foundation of what church is built on before we’re ready to “move in”.

What is the current foundation of our church? Our core values.

Looking at this chart, each activity we do at church is reinforced and is built on our foundational core values. Let’s look at a specific example. Our church Life Groups:

• Help us with Mission, spreading the Kingdom and teaching a Godly way of living all across the world.
• Teach us how to worship God with music and giving of our time.
• Encourage us to serve, at church and in the community.
• Equip us to use our money, budgeting properly, and handling our finances
• Train us to be parents raising kids who are excited to belong in our church

Looks like a solid foundation so far. But what happens when even one of these foundational pillars of church shows signs of cracking?

The Leaning Tower of Church

In the last couple of years, we saw friends, family, and other church members leave. We heard stories of pain, rejection, family drama, bankruptcies, and failure mar people’s perspective of church. For many, it was the collapse in the foundation of these core values that led them to abandon ship.

What happens when your kids reject church? When poverty invades your life? When you don’t feel God’s presence, you don’t connect with the songs, or you are too busy to serve?

It didn’t take too long to realize that this foundation was unstable. Life circumstances caused upheaval, and in our case, it was the experience of infertility that opened our eyes. The belief systems we had personally and believed as a church were on incredibly shaky ground.

If we wanted to have a footing that remained stable, even when hard times, pain, and suffering hit us, we’d have to pour a new foundation.

The Chief Cornerstone

The Bible tells a story about a wise man and a foolish man who built their houses on different building materials. The foolish man built his house on the sand, and when the winds blew, the foundation didn’t hold. However, those same winds couldn’t shake the wise man’s house, as his house was built on the rock.

To me, this illustrates perfectly the opportunity we have as a church. Our generation is chomping at the bit to make cosmetic changes to the house, replacing doors, windows, and adding a new coat of paint to the interior. But what is our foundation on?

Ariana and I have experienced the wind blowing on our house. Our journey with miscarriage and infertility continues to try and knock us down, but each day we’re reminded why we moved houses. We’ve lived in a house built on good ideas, dreams, and plans for this life and experienced firsthand the utter collapse of what happens when that’s shaken.

And now, our house is built on the Rock. Jesus is our foundation for everything.

Whether we experience
poverty or wealth,
big family or small,
health or illness,
betrayal or loyalty,
old age or untimely death,
miscarriage or pregnancy,
good government or political instability,
success or failure,
Jesus is our life, and in every situation he’s our Answer.

He’s enough.

When those around us experience suffering, we can remain steadfast in Jesus. We have no real answers why bad things happen and can offer no way out of suffering, yet we do have the Hope of the world. The Hope beyond this world, the assurance of salvation, and the promise that all of our desires are and will be fulfilled in Him.

And On This Rock

Just like in our own life, Christ is the Beginning, Middle, and End of what church is all about.

Jesus, the unchanging, never-ending, never-failing foundation.

We don’t move on from the foundation of Christ, but everything we do and everything we are as a church is built on it.

What is church? Church is the vehicle of the good news. It’s a community pointing towards Christ, the cross, and the resurrection.

Let’s examine the church in light of our new foundation. Instead of focusing on our calling, our destiny, and building the Kingdom, we’re focused on Christ, his work, and the message of the gospel.

Instead of breakthrough, the fruit of the good news is the Spirit.

Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Faithfulness. Gentleness. Self-control.

Instead of right living and kingdom building, we can’t help but share Jesus.

The Promise

Our story with infertility isn’t over. We may still have our prayers answered, or we may have years of hoping, believing, unanswered questions, and disappointment.

In this life, we’re continually faced with the question: is Jesus enough? Or do we need dreams fulfilled, victory received, a legacy built, or morality upheld? Do we need core values, a happy family, an increase in favour, or an illness healed?

These are the questions we all face daily, personally and as a church. I need a reminder of the gospel every day, to remind me of my foundation. My everything.

The Gospel — good news for every person, at every age, in every circumstance.

Hope for those struggling in their faith, and for those who feel the burden of their sin. Joy for those who have undergone unimaginable trauma, and for those who are persecuted — living in jail cells away from family. Peace for those diagnosed with terminable illness and relationships gone awry.

Hope beyond this life, its troubles, leading us into an eternity free from pain. An eternity of rest, celebrating the One who has saved us all.

Jesus.

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness;
I dare not trust the sweetest frame,
But wholly lean on Jesus’ name.
On Christ, the solid Rock, I stand;
All other ground is sinking sand.

Edward Mote, c. 1834