My Own 30 for 30
I’ve been skinny my entire life. Like, OMG I cringe when I look at old pictures because my legs are so stick-thin that my knees knock together and my collar bone protrudes, skinny. Eat a double cheeseburger, skinny. (I seriously ate Big Macs from a young age, so it’s not that, but thanks for the suggestion.)
I’m lucky to have these genes. I am not complaining. My parents look extremely young (black don’t crack) and are in great shape.
I have never really had the need or, more importantly, the desire to work out. Sure, my stomach has always been flabby but not enough to keep me from wearing bikinis. Partly because I always had this horrible philosophy that “there’s always someone worse”.
This is in no way an attempt to bash others or not be a feminist. Everyone is beautiful. It was just a defense mechanism against running. It was my excuse for not being active. I know that being skinny does not automatically mean healthy. I have a high body fat percentage and I know that fat accumulation around my organs is dangerous. Thanks to my mom, aka Dr. Oz.
There have been times in my life where I went a little too far into the McFlurries and Meximelts. Like after I graduated from college and my sister’s friend (he’s also my friend so I don’t know why I say that) asked me how I lost “all that weight” when he saw an old picture of me. At the time I didn’t know I had “all that weight”. Looking back my face was a balloon and my denial about not being a size zero is embarrassing.
It’s not like I don’t like to sweat or be active. I don’t even sweat that much, probably because I don’t drink enough water. Gym memberships are a waste of money for me. Group classes are much better match.
Classes tell me what to do and holds me accountable because I don’t want to be the girl who couldn’t hold the position longer or pulse lower. Before I moved to California I was finally getting my active life in order. Waking up at 5:30am to get to a 7am Bar Method Brooklyn class. Sometimes doubling up and taking a hot, hip hop yoga class at Y7. (Shout out to Thao and Diana for the suggestions and support.) I was feeling great. My clothes were fitting better. It also put me into a routine. I was arriving to work at a consistently decent time. I said decent. I was leaving at humane hour. I wanted to shout “I’m a real adult” in the Shrek Pinocchio voice.
Then I got busy. I had back to back programs and had to be on-site. We all know we make time for things we want to. Clearly, I didn’t want to work out.
It would be fine if I didn’t work out a lot but also didn’t eat a lot. That is my my problem. I LOVE food. I don’t stop eating when I’m full, or even when I hate myself, as Louis C.K. says.
I give zero f’s about unbuttoning my pants when I go out to eat. I am fortunate enough to have a job that gives me access to the finer things in life — red meat, foie gras, seafood, caviar, and other gout-inducing foods. Other people may be able to pass that up and get the salads, but those are people I don’t want to be friends with. I met a girl who told me she loved salads. She ate them everyday. I gave her side eye and thought “OF COURSE you like salads. #basic”. But she was Gigi and Bella skinny. That can’t be fun though. I’m sure of it.
Anyway, back to getting busy and giving up on working out.
I am now at my largest.
My face is back to a balloon and I feel uncomfortable in my own body. I am wearing one piece bathing suits. I mean, they’re cute but that’s not the point. I’ve let myself get so out of hand that I will not wear a bikini. I don’t know what I currently weigh and I honestly don’t care what the scale says. We didn’t grow up with a scale in the house so I don’t put significance on that. I care more about how I feel and what my clothes look like.
Lucky for me, the Central Coast is all about working on that fitness. What is California if not yoga, weed, and avocados? Our apartment is across the street from Spark Yoga, a studio offering various hot yoga and barre classes. Even better, they offer a new student special — 30 days for $30.
You know ESPNs 30 for 30? This is my own version. I am committed to taking 30 classes in 30 days. This means weekend classes and/or doubling up during the week. I can do this. I will be using this as my progress journal. Not only am I looking to take better care of my body, I also want to give my mind a break too. What better way than tuning in with yoga? Wish me luck.
Brb, I have a 5:30pm Vinyasa I have to get ready for.
