The New Flappy Bird Is The New Flappy Bird Is The New Flappy Bird
…is the new Flappy Bird.
Flappy Bird was a really popular smartphone game earlier this year. Now, it is not so popular.
That means that something must have taken its place, in terms of popularity. Once one thing falls from popularity, another thing must necessarily rise to fill its position.
In other words: If Flappy Bird is no longer Flappy Bird, then something else must be Flappy Bird. Flappy Bird was Flappy Bird, at one point; now, it is time for something else — something that is not Flappy Bird — to be Flappy Bird.
You might be wondering: What is the new Flappy Bird? We know that it is not Flappy Bird; we can eliminate Flappy Bird. Cross Flappy Bird off the list. Flappy Bird isn’t Flappy Bird. Not anymore.
Who will suggest candidates for the new Flappy Bird? The media will suggest candidates for the new Flappy Bird. “The primary function of an accountable news media,” the great newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst once wrote, “is to suggest smartphone games that are the new Flappy Bird.”
By this measure, I am happy to report that our news media is accountable as hell.
Here is a partial list of things that have been proclaimed “the new Flappy Bird” in headlines over the past several months.
Timberman is the new Flappy Bird (TechCrunch)
2048 is the new Flappy Bird (Cnet)
Splashy Fish is the new Flappy Bird (Business Insider)
Feisty Chicken is the new Flappy Bird (Digital Spy)
Let It Goat is the new Flappy Bird (VentureBeat)
Glacier Rush is the new Flappy Bird (AppAdvice)
Make It Rain is the new Flappy Bird (The Guardian)
IronPants is the new Flappy Bird (The Huffington Post)
Ouch Couch is the new Flappy Bird (Business2Community)
Threes! is the new Flappy Bird (Touch Arcade)
QuizUp is the new Flappy Bird (Android Headlines)
“Feisty Chicken Is the New Flappy Bird,” proclaims the news media. A nation trembles.
Perhaps this is a new use for the Yo app: a notification every time a mobile game is declared to be the new Flappy Bird. Speaking of which:
Maybe suggesting that things are the new Flappy Bird is the new Flappy Bird. Maybe — fingers crossed! — suggesting that the new Flappy Bird is suggesting that things are the new Flappy Bird can become the new Flappy Bird?
Or, maybe, no smartphone games are the new Flappy Bird. Maybe every app is a snowflake, fluttering about in the App Store, unique in every way. Comparing Feisty Chicken to Flappy Bird is reductive, absurd, and insulting. “Feisty” and “Flappy” aren’t even synonyms. Hell, “Flappy” isn’t even a word.
The new Flappy Bird will be released in August, Flappy Bird developer Dong Nguyen announced in May. Nguyen is re-releasing Flappy Bird after pulling it from the App Store.
Will the new Flappy Bird be the new Flappy Bird? Or will the new Flappy Bird be the new Feisty Chicken?
There’s only one way to find out:
