Down (under) time pt i

Jonathan Longley
Nov 8 · 8 min read

When we embarked on this move we both knew that there was going to be a long period where I would be unemployed due to waiting for my de-facto partner visa to come through. While I wasn’t particularly looking forward to not being in work (the lack of income is also a factor), I at least thought that I would be putting the time to some good use, particularly trying to get back in to more creative endeavours or take myself off for a few days bushwalking. Most of the things I need for those activities are still in a box in a depot in London, so I’m a bit limited in what I can do.

We thought that I would be checking out local areas and viewing flats during this first month while we are in the airbnb. We quickly fell in love with our local area of Thornbury and Northcote, so that has lessened the need to go on ventures to different parts of the city while Dim is at work. House viewings tend to be open houses for 15 minutes on Saturday mornings or after 1700 on weekdays, meaning that both Dim and I can attend. Both of these factors have taken away some of my daytime tasks.

I’m still trying to be the good house husband, although my natural aversion to household chores has not wilted the more I do. Last week I went to a different local pub each lunchtime after doing the shopping to see what they were like, gauge prices and to get out of the house. Now that the novelty of being abroad has worn off, I’m limiting how much I go day drinking by myself under the pretense of writing something.

There are of course exceptions. Last Friday was the first T20 between England and New Zealand, so I took myself down to a local pub (the places that actually resemble English pubs here are called ‘Hotels’ due to prohibition-era licencing legislation) that offered cheap booze and a screen. It opens at noon, so after I walked around the block I joined the queue of older locals for the door to open. Once in, the bar staff kindly put the game on and England produced a good display to take the game — fortunate as I had my barmy army shirt on. While you can get pints here, beer tends to come in schooners, which are 75% the size of a pint. The logic is that the smaller the beer, the less time it will have to warm up. Some quick math will tell you what the cheapest way to drink is.

England went on to lose the second game of the series on Sunday, which brings us on to Tuesday for the third game of the series. Starting at noon again I resolved to take a stroll around a nearby park first. Being much closer to the city, Quarries Park was nowhere near on the same scale as Plenty Gorge in terms of size or prevalence of bush. The defining feature of the park is the Merri Creek, which readers may remember that Dim and I had come across during our first weekend and had resolved to walk in full at some point. Remembering this, I tried not to walk much of the actual Creek trail itself so I wouldn’t be repeating it in the future. The walk itself was delightful and photos of it are dotted throughout the blog. I quite enjoyed stumbling upon some kids playing cricket with a glorious view of the city in the background.

Tuesday was also Melbourne Cup day. For the uninitiated, the Melbourne Cup is one of those great examples of when a large number of humans come together to celebrate animal cruelty in the form of a horse race. Many people in Victoria (the state that Melbourne is capital of) get the day off, although Dim didn’t. It was noticeable on Tuesday — people dressed to the nines on the train, cyclists in the park everywhere and the pub was rammo.

Shortly before the important race.

I was in the pub for the three hours building up to the main event and then when it happened. Everyone was in a really chipper mood and I was just grateful that the pub devoted a screen to the cricket for me — it was changed by accident at one point and they got it back on for me. Normally when you’re in a pub worth its salt in Australia they have various gambling screens on that will show a horse or trotties race every 20 minutes or so from a different part of the country. On Tuesday, as soon as one race finished it went straight to the start of the next. Utterly decadent gambling and a huge industry built on cruelty to animals.

Dim has long been into softball (a previous head girl for softball, no less!) and was an important part of her team in London during the time that we have known each other. She found a team south of the river that was having an open-evening on Wednesday, which basically functioned as an intro to softball. I had previously played catch a few times with Dim in the park, so thought that I should go along to get out of the house and do something different. After a warm up session we were separated into groups determined by experience, with Dim going in to the top group and myself the middle.

We did some throwing and catching, then some small hits and then some catches in the deep. One of the more experienced guys (who had brought his own bat) absolutely leathered a ball at me at head-height and thankfully I took the catch right in front of my face. My hand is still sore.

Ducks. Sleeping?

We then played a short game, with no one explaining the rules. Dim was on the opposite side, so when it came to my turn to hit I thought it would only be fair to pick her out. The first ball came in and I clocked it fairly well to somewhere about twenty meters behind second, where Dim wasn’t. After standing for a while, waiting for the next ball, I noticed I was getting shouted at by everyone to run, so I did. Turns out that you have to run if you hit it. Shortly after I got ran out. I don’t understand why. Dim got caught out when it was her turn. Afterwards she told me that she was jealous of my ‘natural sporting ability’ and that my shot had looked like a cricket shot.

Good thing then that I’ve got in touch with a local cricket club about going along and joining a team. I withheld from suggesting that I could bring my own sandpaper. I haven’t played since I was 18, properly since I was 16, so I expect to be dreadful. I haven’t got any gear either. I’ve decided that I will wait until I get some proper activity shoes rather than showing up in hiking boots. Apparently Dim’s mum wants to buy me running shoes when her parents come to visit next weekend. They are with us in a nearby motel for five days, so while Dim is at work I will be hanging out with them during the daytime. After previously receiving a lashing from them for the cruelty that my (English) ancestors displayed toward their (Irish) ancestors, I’m looking forward to revealing that I recently found out that there is Irish blood in me from my mother’s side. No longer shall I be oppressed!

An old prison, near somewhere we were checking out on Tuesday.

I didn’t get up to much yesterday (Thursday). I watched The Exorcist and I still don’t get it. I respect Mark Kermode hugely, but there is a lot in that film that doesn’t work for me. Matt and I tried to watch it one day when we were 15 or so, but we got about 20 minutes in and turned it off out of boredom. I resisted the urge this time, and while the actual exorcism stuff is good, there so much padding around it that seems unnecessary. I currently have the Mark Kermode making-of documentary of it on the TV and all they are talking about is the exorcism scenes — not the hour or so noodling around Iraq or various doctors’ offices that really drags. I have nothing against slow films, but there is an absence of drive in that first hour.

Dim had a reception after a conference, so I was on dinner duty. Two months ago I had a dish (Di San Xian) in Chinatown after seeing Stewart Lee that immediately became my favourite Chinese dish — so much so that I made a good fist of it the very next night after getting back from the pub. Last night I had a go with limited ingredients (I’m holding back on the Chinese cooking sherry until we live somewhere) and while the potatoes were a tad al dente, Dim was rather impressed.

I forgot to get a picture of the food until right at the end.

Plan for this weekend: watch cricket in pub with Dim when she finishes work (still working on that), house viewings tomorrow morning then lazy afternoon (it’s wet and cold) and then come up with something a bit more active for Sunday.

Jonno down under

A blog tracking the life and times of a man of Kent relocated to Australia

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