I Ate Like a King at Laneway
The infamous festival review that had nothing to do with the music.
I am eating squid bruschetta at a music festival. This is not a drill.
It’s long been said in Sydney that chefs are the new rockstars, Mitch Orr models sunglasses. VICE makes travel documentaries with Elvis Abrahanowicz. Kids used to want to be Bang Gang DJs, now they want to dress like Terzini.
This is the brave new world Laneway Festival now find themselves operating in. As the beloved music institution has aged, so too has its demographic, which increasingly chooses to spend its disposable income on food. In 2018, the organisers have heeded the call, handing over the reins of an entire hospitality area to Franklin and Longsong chef, David Moyle.
The ‘Royal Moyle’, as it is named, is here to experimentally prove that you can eat like a king at a festival if you just believe. And Moyle believes. He’s got that rock and roll spirit, with the long, Jimmy Page hair to match. When I meet him, he’s rubbing his eyes after smoking aged beef over an open coal fire. You know, standard music festival behaviour.
Today I’ll see a stack of bands, but frankly, I’m more excited by what I ate and drank. Here’s what they don’t tell you about music festivals; if you’re well-fed, the whole day is significantly easier. It’s not like there aren’t options, it’s just that in our hurry between clashing sets, we often forget they’re there. Whether it’s Messina or Mary’s, Sapporo or Brooklyn Lager, there’s just no excuse to stick with vodka mixer or gozleme. In fact, I don’t even know where the gozleme tent is anymore. Shout out to gozleme.
The tide has shifted and in the twilight of my career as a music journalist, I’ve boldly decided to upskill and review what really matters at a festival these days; the noms. Moyle has been charged with keeping me fed and watered all day, which is admirable given that I must come off a bit like someone’s Uncle logging onto Twitter for the first time.
With that in mind, here are the best things I devoured at a festival where I was probably supposed to be listening.
Opening Act
Local Squid Bruschetta ft. Flavours of Puttanesca
10 William’s cosy, home cooked vibe is not an easy one to translate into a outdoor setting but let me tell you, if you wander through the grounds holding a mouth-watering brioche stuffed full of squid bruschetta, people are going to pay attention. It’s saucy, it’s crunchy, it’s swimming in herbs and flavour and it’s dropped all over my jeans and I don’t even care. I can’t believe this is going for ten bucks. It’s a delicacy that deserves a far bigger audience.
Best paired with: Anderson Paak, obviously. Crowd favourite, exceptionally animated and literally sweats passion. The man performs like the Paradisos make snacks; con gusto.
Changeover
Ginger Tea Spritz (Longsong) B2B Coconut Mango Lassi (Hubert)
Each of Moyle’s vendors have put together special cocktails to go with their food but I am a pleb. Here’s what I know; I have never had a mango and coconut lassi laced with tabasco (Hubert) or a spritz made from ice tea with actual ginger (Longsong), but now I will never drink anything else and neither shall my colleagues. Please inform your staff.
Best paired with: B Wise and Wiki at the Red Bull Block Party Tent. Totally unexpected, smashed full of charisma and utterly engaging.
Second Support
Grilled Aged Beef Over Coals ft. Salt Bush and Horseradish
On paper, Longsong’s beef skewer situation seems the least appealing of the food options; no carbs, nothing fried and served on dangerous pointy sticks. I will spend my whole day convincing punters in line that this is incorrect, because this is the kind of succulent sensation you would Instagram and then call your mother about.
Throughout the festival I will eat this meal four times. There are superlatives I can use to describe the way the horseradish and salt infuse themselves into the chunky, juicy slabs but just know that I watched Wolf Alice while eating this and don’t remember a single thing they played. It is out of this world.
Best paired with: Odesza, who also unexpectedly turn out to be a highlight of the evening set. They’ve leapfrogged a number of their contemporaries and their show now includes a chorus line of hooded drummers, which is serendipitous when you’re wielding two sticks of beef.
Headliner
Cafe De Paris Butter Chicken and Roti ft. French Fries
In total French style, this Restaurant Hubert winner is classically undersold. It’s basically the best kebab of the year; a giant Indian roti that’s rolled around enough chicken to feed a family of four, topped with garlic-infused butter sauce and french fries. It’s audacious and unbelievable and almost impossible to finish and I regret eating that Mary’s burger five minutes before because this is the kind of meal you get on presales for. I should have expected this sort of behaviour, I mean, this is a place that once sent me a full cooked chicken as a birthday cake. But my God, I think I might pass out from olfactory overload.
Best paired with: War On Drugs. If you’re going to stumble around in a food-induced daze, you may as well do it to a band that can only fit 6 songs into an hour with their shimmering haze of ’70s guitar belters.
Originally published on Broadsheet Sydney.
