How to avoid feeling like the worst developer ever
I have talked about how I decided I wanted to code for a living. I have also talked about how I regained my passion. But nothing lasts forever. So here’s my two cents about what to do when you feel like you have made a lot of bad decisions and basically you feel like shit.
2022 was quite a ride for me. Just when I thought I was doing my best… I got fired. That was a pretty shitty experience not because I had to look for another job (that I knew I would get in no time once I was prepared) but the feeling of leaving everyone I met behind. I still miss (most 🤭) of my colleagues to this day. Also I had spent my first 4 years working in companies close to home where I kind of knew everyone even if it was just because they were a friend of a friend, so starting from scratch in a new remote job was scary. So scary that I decided to do a loooot of interviews. Which I assure you is the least thing you want to do after being fired and feeling like the worst dev in the word.
For me, apart from the complexity that being a software engineer has per se, it has a lot of added complexities which I didn’t think it would arise while I was at university. One of those things was on those times when I didn’t have a job, learning to make peace with myself and not feeling guilty trying to learn a lot of new things which (in my head) I was lacking and needed to be a good engineer. It is a feeling that I try to work on everyday because talking with friends I realized there’s a lot of FOMO in this community and a constant need of being always doing something related to our job: you have to go to conferences! you have to build side projects! programming is your whole life! you have to love love love you job! and sorry but I don’t love my job. I love my dogs. I like my job. And sometimes, I simply don’t.
Let’s put ourselves in the worst case scenario: you are, in fact, the worst developer in the word! sorry 😣
First of all: that is not true. It’s difficult to trust the word from a stranger but I can assure you you’re not. If you’re a developer in the first place, I don’t think the problem comes about knowing this or knowing that. Because I know it sound cliché but you can learn whatever you set your mind to it. I think the real problem is finding motivation. And that is one hell of a ride. What things did help me find myself and enjoy programming?
Remember what made you get into the dev world
I already wrote an article about that so I won’t repeat myself, but finding a 100% pure motivation (because if your answer is money it is pretty valid too, but at least for myself it was not enough to keep me motivated) didn’t give me my full confidence back, but it made me think about a lot of things that helped me get back on track.
Don’t get stressed
Easy to say, right? I’m not talking about the day to day where you sadly probably will have some days where you just have to live with it. I’m talking about the long term and expectations. There’s a song called Paradise that I love that talks about how dreams aren’t necessary, that being happy is enough. I have always felt so much pressure about how I should be a senior developer or having clear definitions of what I need to do in the following years while the reality is that I simply have no idea. Of course I’m working on it and I try to establish little goals, but only for myself and no one else. Little by little.
Find out what you feel most comfortable doing that can help you grow
There are plenty of ways in which you can learn while also having fun, but first you have to find out with which of them you’re most comfortable with. Once you find the right one, it will be so much easier for you to gain that kind of motivation I’ve been talking about. For me writing is pretty cool: it’s not that hard, you can easily share whatever you learn so you gain more exposure, but not that much for example as if you film a video or do a streaming. Which could be another options! Record yourself doing some tutorial even if it is for the simplest thing. I’m sure there’s someone in some corner of the internet that will for sure appreciate it a lot :)
Share experiences
Even if I’m 100% percent sure that I will publish this article, I’m still having second thoughts about everything that I’m writing because for a long time I was not used to know people who understand all the programming world the same way that I do. But thanks to my some of my dearest friends like Carmen, Tania & Andrea, I realized that I was not alone and it gave a great boost of confidence which I’d be forever grateful for. So talk to your colleagues, find some community near you, or of course, don’t hesitate to talk to me if you want to share your thoughts!
My favorite one: no time spent in what you really wanted to do in that moment is lost time.
I’d rather die being a junior dev that can look back at her life and say she had fun than spend my weekends trying to force myself to do things I don’t feel like doing. Of course I’m always trying learn, and of course you should learn. But at your own pace. Not because some toxic expectations from the dev community. Everyone is different and not everyone has to have the same strengths.
Never settle for no less!
I know it’s very difficult to feel… not bad, but also not good, and try to make change. I think this TikTok explains it very good. And if you’re not a fan of TikTok then I will explain it to you with the corniest metaphor ever: I have a plant that has beautiful leaves but sometimes they turn kind of brown-ish because I forget to water them, and I always take a lot of time before I cut them out because even though they’re kind of dry, they are big and they are cool and I feel like if I cut them the plant will look awful. But every time I cut them, a few days later a new leaf appears that look so much better than the previous one. Cheesy but true, right? We have to make room for blooming.
Earlier I said that I like my work. And obviously I don’t hate because I’m a very intelligent person and I wouldn’t spent 1/3 of my day each day from Monday to Friday doing things which I hate. But I didn’t learn to love my job. I learned to enjoy my job.
And with enjoying I don’t mean having fun all of the time (although a lot of times, actually I do), I mean closing my computer and feeling fulfilled with what I have contributed along the day and the feeling that I’m really appreciated for that.
And that takes us to the last point:
Having a great team
From my point of view, this is the most important point of them all. I will be bragging a lot because basically I have the best team ever (and I had pretty great teams in the past) but this 6 months I have been working with my current team at JOOR have seriously altered some chemicals in brain. I’ve never felt more at home in a job. I’m not lying when I say that there are some weekends when I’m looking forward to work just so I can chat with my colleagues. It’s the first time that I feel that I want to be the best version of myself not only for me but for all my teammates, because I feel like I owe everything to them for being always so nice to me & helping me every time I need a hand. And also for pushing me forward and helping me learn in ways I had never expected. Did you know that they all have listened to me lecturing for 1h about how BTS are better than the Beatles without cursing at me? Or that instead of making me go to Madrid in the summer (😭) they all agreed to let me organize a trip so they all can come to a camping in Asturias? I have never been that spoiled in my whole life. But really, I think it was one of the key parts I was missing in all my past jobs. I have never had seniors devs that I felt I could look up to. Neither any kind of guidance. And now each day I feel like I really belong here and if some days I feel like the worst developer ever, I will have my team to back me up.
And that’s all! Every year I’m growing older and wiser and I read my past articles and I think I’m stupid so who knows what knowledge will I share next year. Basically I’m writing all of this because I felt like the others two articles needed an ending. And a good one, of course! But for a good ending to be a really good ending the history should have some bumps along the way. And we all have them. All the time. I’m tired of reading articles about success or articles about failing but from very successful people which I sadly I can’t relate to. So here’s one about a pretty average feeling of a pretty average dev. And if this helps at least one person that is as lost I was, the 1h I spent writing this instead of tiding my room was totally worth it 😜
So this is the end of my trilogy! Hope it is not as bad as Alien 3. Just kidding David Fincher I love you!!!
