Brett Favre retired; Penis still active.
It’s been a long and storied career for the 42-year old gunslinger. Brett Favre holds every major quarterback statistic: most yards (71,838), most touchdowns (508), most attempts (6300), most completions (10,169), and the list goes on. As Favre stood at the podium once again after the final game of the season he told the world that after 20 seasons he is officially done. However, just as this familiar speech was happening, about 2 feet below his chin, Little #4 had a sense of disbelief.
Brett Favre’s penis came into the lime light this season when a former Jets employee, Jenn Sterger released incriminating photos that Favre allegedly snapped of his penis. Although this was terrible for Favre, it was a breath of new life for Little #4, which had been the unsung hero so many times in Favre’s career.
“I knew when Brett snapped a pic of me, we were going to have problems” said his penis. “This time was different, I just knew it. When he left the Jets for the Vikings, I sensed somewhat my life would change.”
It was a new life. Favre’s first year with the Vikings was almost storybook. Brett took them one play away from the Super Bowl, but in typical Favre tradition he threw the game losing interception that sealed the team’s fate. A loss like this would devastate a lesser man, but Favre needed another season to right his wrongs.
“I was ecstatic, once Brett decided to play another year” the penis said, “This was going to be the winning year.”
The penis was right, yet so wrong. Favre had never had so much media attention while losing. Midway trough the season the Sterger story broke and with that, the losses piled up. Eventually the Iron Man streak came to a skidding halt at 297.
“The Iron Man streak was incredible. Brett didn’t miss a game in 20 years. I’m not going to lie, I was tired, I sometimes wanted to quit,” said the penis.
With the Sterger allegations, the losing, and the streak coming to an end it would be only natural to retire, right? Favre’s penis thinks otherwise.
“I’m going to be honest, I think now that I am in demand and so much attention is being paid to me, Brett now wants out. I don’t want to call him completely selfish but I have been here for him, I’ll continue to be here for him, but now I deserve my credit. Realistically I think I have about 3 more solid seasons left and so does Brett.”
When asked about any other pictures that may be circulating, Favre’s penis paused for a moment and replied: “To be blunt, YES.”
An eerie resentment looms over little #4 and why shouldn’t it? This was his moment. This moment came late in the career but also came quick. Like any typical flash in the pan, it wants more but instead may have to settle for the Vanilla Ice of penis pictures.
“It’s an excitement you know? I like the limelight. Brett’s had it for a long time now. It’s a good thing, I heard it changes people but I want to find out for myself. If it was up to me we’d still be playing, I’ll try my damndest. I’ll try.”
