Why You Won’t Have Just 1 Child.

I was in Colorado this past weekend for my sisters baby shower (Uncle Josh!) It’s her first child and I’m pretty excited because not only am I going to have the opportunity to be the cool Uncle inherits a best little friend, but I also am the Godfather, which means I get to do what every guy does when they’re chosen to be Godfather… quote The Godfather.

It’s her first child and I had a conversation with her. I asked her when she’s going to have the second child, to which she replied –

“Yeah, I’m not even thinking about that.”

But, I am thinking about it, and I then went on to tell her that she’s going to have another… probably in 2 years. I quickly changed course in this conversation simply because this may not be my place.

Later I went on Facebook only to see that a friend is having her second child, for sake of clarifying I think I should mention she’s a “Facebook friend” but a real life acquaintance. Regardless, she’s having her second child. Interesting… Why is this interesting? I’m curious. I’m curious as to why only 20 percent of families have single children families, I actually thought that was really high, only to find out that 20 years before this it was 10 percent.

I can’t quite put a finger on the growth of the single child but I can put a finger on the consistency of the multiple children. I’m here to break this down and the 4 scenarios as to why 80 percent of us just don’t stick with one child.

1 — The “Most Obvious” scenario:

Him: Ah, um, whoops… I ah’ I ah’ I forgot protection.

Her: Oh, it’s okay.

9 Months Later… Child #2.

I realize how odd this scenario sounds considering that if you’re a family, typically that means you’re husband and wife and the above conversation left the moment you said “I do” but the jist is… It was a mistake that you don’t want to actually admit was a mistake.

2 — The “I Missed Out” scenario:

You were an only child, and you feel like you missed out on something.

You (As the only child): You know, I just missed out on something. Growing up I always wanted that big brother / that little brother / that big sister / that little sister / that brother who was just like you and you could wrestle with / that sister to be with you and make fake tea parties.

Ultimately, you missed out on having a best friend and you don’t want your child to suffer the same singleness fate as you. So, what’s the logical step? Plan on having child number 2.

3 — The “Greatest Upbringing” scenario:

You had a sibling and dammit you have a great relationship. You want your child to have what you had. All the memories and fun you two had. If you didn’t give your child the second sibling then they wouldn’t know life and that would ultimately be a crime.

4 — The “Worst Upbringing” scenario:

See number 3 and flip everything.

Your brother is Macaulay Culkin in The Good Son and you made it out alive. Time to have a child to prove to you that siblings can be good. And if you have the sequel to the Good Son, consider it a blessing because I’ve actually wanted a sequel to that movie for a long time.

That’s it…

In my world, these are the 4 logical reasons as to why we have more than one child. The thing is, is that I think that just about everyone falls in this category, well at least 80 percent of us currently do. Of course we have a few variables that come into play — divorce, never married, mistakes — etc…

Then of course we have the BONUS section and that’s when you break out the K.C. and JoJo and let the good times roll — What the hell does that mean? Well in my day it meant you’re listening to a group that had 3 good songs, but those good songs typically meant you were shacking up in bed and having a family. The bonus is dedicated to all those who have families and just don’t stop popping out kids.

Reasons why we have a ton of kids:

- You like kids!

- You’re Mormon.

- You keep trying for that boy but you keep getting girls.

- You keep trying for that girl but you keep getting boys.

- You keep forgetting that you can actually have kids from sex.

- You just love families.

A simple break down from a guy in his 20’s without children and with a significant other who isn’t expecting any time soon.