You may or may not remember “The Dice Man” — the story of someone who based increasingly major life decisions on the roll of a die — a fictitious lifestyle since taken up in real life by a handful of very brave souls.
The trouble with having six alternative courses of action, though, is that there’s too many of them to decide on in the first place, let alone remember once the die is cast.
On the other hand, following up on the conveniently binary flip of a coin could, says “Freakonomics” author Steven D Levitt, actually make you happier.
That’s what The Atlantic tells us, anyway.
Walk off your job? Heads or tails.
Leave your lover? Heads or tails.
Working your way through a coin-based decision tree to decide on which of Paul Simon’s Fifty Ways to do so might just be a little more complicated.
Looking back on recent news stories, though, that simple yes-let’s-do-it / no-way-not-even-when-hell’s-frozen-over coin toss might just explain a lot of weird ideas which somehow got the green light against far, far too many odds.
Associated Press, for example, tells us that its reporters who’d accepted the awesome responsibility of giving KFC’s fried-chicken-perfumed sunscreen a test run were extremely tactful about the entire experience.
Or at least tactful enough to use the phrase “did not immediately bring to mind chicken” when describing the sunscreen’s distinctive bouquet.
What they didn’t tell us, however, was how many cats followed them home after the trial.
Which brings us neatly to the Cat Litter Question: cheap or pricey?
Heads or tails again.
Domestically speaking, it’s not such a big deal. After all, if a cat decides it doesn’t like the new brand of litter waiting for it in its tray, there’s always the neighbor’s garden.
When it comes to waste disposal, though, it’s a different matter altogether.
Whoever it was at the New Mexico Waste Isolation Pilot Plant who’d flipped their coin and decided to (quote) “substitute an organic material for a mineral one” when it came to preparing another drum full of seriously radioactive waste definitely made the wrong call there.
Previously they’d been pouring all kinds of glow-in-the-dark nasties into drums that had been packed out with one particular brand of cat litter before storing it (theoretically) out of sight and out out of mind.
Whether the local 7-Eleven had run out of military-grade kitty litter we may never know, but the resulting different-brand-of-cat-litter detonation — courtesy of an unforeseen chemical reaction caused by that new organic material — is going, the LA Times tells us, to set the taxpayer back a cool $2 billion.
That was one serious storage fail.
One serious storage success — all hundred million dollars’ worth of it, according to the International Business Times — had been kept somewhat casually under a bed in a rundown wooden home in the Philippines — until the house caught fire earlier this year.
Over two feet long and one foot wide, and weighing in at an impressive 77lbs, the serious storage success is now officially designated the world’s largest pearl, and had been quietly gathering dust under that bed for ten years — where it was kept purely as a “good luck charm”.
Fortunately it was just about light enough to be removed from that fire in one piece, but elsewhere — where temperatures can be somewhat lower — certain people are taking weightier removal matters very seriously indeed.
And it’s got nothing to do with storage — secure or otherwise.
ADN tells us that Alaska State Troopers consider removal of any type of roadkill illegal, because said roadkill — once expired — immediately becomes property of the state.
And that, most definitely, includes moose.
Which means any moose that meets its maker on the highways and byways of Alaska normally gets picked up by the Alaska Moose Federation, who try and make sure its meat doesn’t go to waste by distributing it to appropriate recipients.
But someone, somewhere in Alaska, has been been beating them to the most recent carcasses — normally indicated by roadside flares which apparently are still burning when Federation starships moose recovery vehicles arrive — and whoever they are, they risk some serious criminal charges.
It’s illegal possession, Jim — but not as we know it.
Who it is, and what they’re doing with those moose is still a mystery. It may be they’re redistributing whatever meat they can salvage in their own special way, so be on the lookout for some amazing BBQs up Anchorage way next summer.
Moving right along from food to drink: you may well be hearing a lot about Glassify soon — it’s an Israeli startup, CNET tells us. They’ve created a glass with a smart chip embedded in the base, together with an accompanying smartphone app to scan that chip with.
Once scanned, that information not only tells brewers which of their products drinkers are enjoying most, but also tells them who to send a little promotional goodie — or even a discount voucher — as a gesture of appreciation for enjoying those products.
So it could work out that the more you drink, the more freebies head your way.
Not much need for a coin toss to decide on that one, then.
On the other hand, next time you feel like logging into your Facebook account, you might want to do a little coin toss to decide whether you really want to add any more of your own extremely personal details to the ones the good Mr Zuckerberg may already have collected from you.
According to the Washington Post, there are 98 data points Facebook wants from each of its many subscribers — and here they are:
1 — Location
2 — Age
3 — Generation
4 — Gender
5 — Language
6 — Education level
7 — Field of study
8 — School
9 — Ethnic affinity
10 — Income and net worth
11 — Home ownership and type
12 — Home value
13 — Property size
14 — Square footage of home
15 — Year home was built
16 — Household composition
17 — Users who have an anniversary within 30 days
18 — Users who are away from family or hometown
19 — Users who are friends with someone who has an anniversary, is newly married or engaged, recently moved, or has an upcoming birthday
20 — Users in long-distance relationships
21 — Users in new relationships
22 — Users who have new jobs
23 — Users who are newly engaged
24 — Users who are newly married
25 — Users who have recently moved
26 — Users who have birthdays soon
27 — Parents
28 — Expectant parents
29 — Mothers, divided by “type” (soccer, trendy, etc -)
30 — Users who are likely to engage in politics
31 — Conservatives and liberals
32 — Relationship status
33 — Employer
34 — Industry
35 — Job title
36 — Office type
37 — Interests
38 — Users who own motorcycles
39 — Users who plan to buy a car (and what kind/brand of car, and how soon)
40 — Users who bought auto parts or accessories recently
41 — Users who are likely to need auto parts or services
42 — Style and brand of car you drive
43 — Year car was bought
44 — Age of car
45 — How much money user is likely to spend on next car
46 — Where user is likely to buy next car
47 — How many employees your company has
48 — Users who own small businesses
49 — Users who work in management or are executives
50 — Users who have donated to charity (divided by type)
51 — Operating system
52 — Users who play browser games
53 — Users who own a gaming console
54 — Users who have created a Facebook event
55 — Users who have used Facebook Payments
56 — Users who have spent more than average on Facebook Payments
57 — Users who administer a Facebook page
58 — Users who have recently uploaded photos to Facebook
59 — Internet browser
60 — Email service
61 — Early/late adopters of technology
62 — Expats (divided by what country they are from originally)
63 — Users who belong to a credit union, national bank or regional bank
64 — Users who investor (divided by investment type)
65 — Number of credit lines
66 — Users who are active credit card users
67 — Credit card type
68 — Users who have a debit card
69 — Users who carry a balance on their credit card
70 — Users who listen to the radio
71 — Preference in TV shows
72 — Users who use a mobile device (divided by what brand they use)
73 — Internet connection type
74 — Users who recently acquired a smartphone or tablet
75 — Users who access the Internet through a smartphone or tablet
76 — Users who use coupons
77 — Types of clothing user’s household buys
78 — Time of year user’s household shops most
79 — Users who are ‘heavy’ buyers of beer, wine or spirits
80 — Users who buy groceries (and what kinds)
81 — Users who buy beauty products
82 — Users who buy allergy medications, cough/cold medications, pain relief products, and over-the-counter meds
83 — Users who spend money on household products
84 — Users who spend money on products for kids or pets, and what kind of pets
85 — Users whose household makes more purchases than is average
86 — Users who tend to shop online (or off)
87 — Types of restaurants user eats at
88 — Kinds of stores user shops at
89 — Users who are “receptive” to offers from companies offering online auto insurance, higher education or mortgages, and prepaid debit cards/satellite TV
90 — Length of time user has lived in house
91 — Users who are likely to move soon
92 — Users who are interested in the Olympics, fall football, cricket or Ramadan
93 — Users who travel frequently, for work or pleasure
94 — Users who commute to work
95 — Types of vacations user tends to go on
96 — Users who recently returned from a trip
97 — Users who recently used a travel app
98 — Users who participate in a timeshare
Log onto Facebook? Heads or tails.
And as for where they’ll securely store all your vital information?
Beneath a desert maybe?
Under a bed somewhere?
By an Alaskan roadside, even?
Oh, decisions, decisions …
