In Other Election News: Clinton, Clones and Castration

Pneumonia? But how?

The germs on all those second-hand eBay Blackberries, maybe?

Then again, it might not be pneumonia. Let’s hope it’s not, since — as seen in photos and tweets around the world — Hillary got far too close to a young, and so far unidentified girl not so long after her dramatic collapse.

And who sent that poor kid running towards her in the first place?

That’s if it actually was the real Hillary, of course.

There’s an awful lot of body-double fuss online now with all sorts of contrasting before-and-after photographs, and differences abound: her hands, face, neck, wedding ring, which shoulder her handbag was slung over, and, it goes without saying, her weight.

And who, we wonder, retrieved that much-photographed shoe left behind on the sidewalk and took it to daughter Chelsea’s apartment on East 26th Street — previously part of a hospital building, according to nesaranews — to match it with the other one?

Oh, and when she went into that apartment, Hillary had dark roots showing, but when she exited — surprisingly without any kind of security or medical entourage — she appeared to be pure blonde.

So it might indeed not have been Mrs Clinton, especially since the Conservative Daily Post tells us that ABC News started to run — and then very suddenly pulled — the story of her demise at Montefiore Medical Hospital.

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In fact, the website of New York radio station SuperStation95 offers an eight-second video segment of the 11pm WABC “Eyewitness News” that night which differs from WABC’s video archive version. The one we can watch online has anchorman Joe Torre introducing the show with “More on Hillary Clinton’s Death.”

It’s at this point that anyone currently thinking the phrase “Clinton body count” should consider themselves severely chastised.

And if, for some reason, you’re looking to the presidential future while somehow being reminded of the popular motion picture “Weekend at Bernie’s”, well, stop it. Right now.

And let’s not even think about clones.

But back to Sunday’s alleged body double, very possibly in the slightly more svelte shape of former advertising executive Teresa Barnwell, who’s been impersonating Hillary professionally for over twenty years now.

However accurately she might be able to portray Mrs Clinton, it doesn’t mean she’s privy to the kind of information required for credible answers such as those required during NBC’s recent “Commander in Chief Forum”.

So it could well be that the mysterious object in her ear during that forum — noted, again, in photos now all over the internet — wasn’t in fact a hearing aid at all. No matter who was wearing it.

But what was it, then?

WikiLeaks gives us a clue, thanks to an email release from longtime top Hillary aide Huma Abedin some seven years ago.

It reads “Did u take your earpiece or do I need to get it?”

Make of that what you will.

But what if the real Hillary’s no longer in a position to continue her campaign … because she really is currently in peaceful repose in a chilled drawer somewhere, with a tag on her toe?

We might just have some kind of precedent here since, as the New York Daily News reminds us, in 2000 Missouri Governor Mel Carnahan died less than a month before one particular Senate race — but still won.

So Hillary might still be on the ballots come November.

And her chances still might be pretty good.

On the other hand, a more sensible option would be for the DNC to bring Bernie back into the campaign.

Former Oklahoma state senator Connie Johnson believes that was the reason he stayed in the contest as long as he did.

So what could he have known then that the rest of us are just guessing at now?

Then again, if Hillary survives being first past the finishing post but is unable to take the presidential oath for whatever reason … and Teresa Barnwell and/or any of the Hillary clones aren’t available to fill in for her — what then?

Good question. The Boston Globe asserts that if, as they put it, “a vacancy materialized after the election”, the power to choose a replacement would belong to the Electoral College. It was originally established, we’re told, as a compromise between election of the President by a vote in Congress and election of the President by a popular vote of qualified citizens.

And what if Hillary were to be elected, took office and then was unable to carry out her official functions for the next four years — again, for whatever reason and again, if all her impersonators were busy elsewhere and there weren’t any more clones to send in — what then?

Historically First Ladies Nancy Reagan, Mamie Eisenhower and Lady Edith Galt Wilson all made presidential decisions while their husbands were ill in office and unable to make such decisions themselves … and to quote infowars, ‘“If President Hillary Clinton’s health were to decline, it is a certainty that former President Bill Clinton would emulate Galt and act in his wife’s stead as president,” said investigative journalist Wayne Madsen.

“Senator Tim Kaine was chosen as Mrs. Clinton’s running mate because he, as was Marshall, is a milquetoast politician who would not seek to become acting president of the United States in the event of the incapacitation of the president. For Bill Clinton, serving as the de facto president would be an effective third term as president, something barred by the U.S. Constitution.”’

Well, it has happened before: Franklin D. Roosevelt was president for four terms during the Great Depression and World War II.

And, more recently, the International Business Times reports another, though slightly less presidential, third term — this time as Mayor of Cormorant, a western Minnesota town. With, apparently, one of the highest approval ratings in the country, Duke — a 9-year-old Great Pyrenees — swept to victory in the mayoral elections yet again.

“Everybody voted for Duke, except for one vote for his girlfriend, Lassie,” said David Rick, Duke’s owner.

However, life isn’t always a bowl of cherries for all animal mayors, however long they remain in office: RoadsideAmerica relates the story of Clay Henry III, the famous beer-drinking goat mayor of Lajitas, Texas from 1986 until 1992.

Clay Henry had his problems, though: towards the end of his mayorhood tourists had been feeding him his usual Lone Star longnecks — on a Sunday. That’s even though the area’s blue laws prevented the sale of alcohol. To humans, at any rate.

According to eyewitnesses, one Jim Bob Hargrove was outraged enough by these alcoholic tourist purchases to threaten the mayor with castration — and indeed kept that promise because the following morning Hizzonor was found, as RoadsideAmerica so quaintly puts it: “lying next to his testicles”

Which just goes to show staying in office for too long can have its disadvantages.

So with a certain amount of domestic, er, “history” behind the Clintons, let’s hope that if they make it into the presidential White House life there doesn’t imitate what happened in that particular mayoral goat pen.

Because there’s always the possibility that it might: if William J misbehaves again and Mrs C gets news of the fact (no matter what state she may be in) Bill, too, could wake up one morning on one side of the bed …

… with his testicles on the other.

Image credit: Pete Linforth, Pixabay

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