In Other Election News — Emails and Aspirations

The Washington Times informs us that the State Department wants to (two very carefully chosen words, there) release the final four thousand or so of Hillary Clinton’s hitherto unseen private-server emails once the first four states have voted in the Democratic presidential primary.

They should have been released this week in response to VICE News’ January 2015 lawsuit, but there was somewhat of an oversight meaning the State Department somehow “forgot” to deliver those emails to government agency reviewers.

And… and… and, like there was this really awesomely big snowstorm, OK? And that kinda held things up, right? So, like, we couldn’t send anything to anybody, yeah?

They’re emails, guys. You could have sent them electronically. That’s what the “e” in “email” might just stand for.

Upshot: 45 million voters won’t know anything about what’s in those emails until after they’ve cast their vote. Which could lead to some regret.

But there’ll be another 46 states still to vote once those emails are released.

So if, as the airlines like to say, “in the unlikely event” any legal action does get taken against the next President Clinton, she can take comfort in the precedent set last week in East Chicago.

The Chicago Tribune tells us that it’s possible to take an oath of office from behind bars, as did East Chicago City Councilman Robert Battle last week, where he’s currently awaiting trial in federal custody at the Porter County Jail.

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He’s also entitled to collect the appropriate salary until his resignation, admission of guilt or a guilty verdict in the courtroom.

If Hillary’s past does catch up with her at least she can be assured of a full salary, three square meals a day and — compared to many of the people she’s had to deal with throughout her political career — some very pleasant company.

Someone whose past definitely has caught up with him is Texas Sen. Ted Cruz, whose (mercifully-short) senior video from Houston’s Second Baptist High School is making the online rounds at present.

After describing aspirations as “sweat on my butt”, a youthful Cruz continued: “Well, my aspiration is to, oh, I dunno, be in a teen tit film like that guy who played Horatio. You know, he was in Malibu Bikini Beach Shop?”.

And, naturally, “world domination” figured, too. Teen tit, indeed.

Well, a boy’s gotta have aspirations, even if they do mean now being on the receiving end of presidential rival Donald Trump’s barbed descriptions, like “whack job”, and “Ted can’t get along with anybody. He’s a nasty person.”

Still, that’s only to be expected from a New York billionaire who, Reuters tells us, if elected will do away with political correctness.

And who’ll make sure the words “Merry Christmas” are once again displayed in department stores.

He didn’t say when, though. All year round, maybe?

With Trump, anything’s possible.

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