In Other Election News — Meanwhile in Manhattan

Visiting Manhattan might be a tad risky now Donald Trump has claimed — as detailed by CBS News — that “I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose any voters, OK?”.

Now, whether that somebody would be fellow billionaire and potential presidential candidate Michael Bloomberg remains to be seen. Presently Trump, according to NBC News, would welcome the ex-mayor of New York into the contest “with open arms.”

But things can change.

The Washington Post says it looks like the ever-cautious ex-mayor would be waiting for favorable polling results after next month’s New Hampshire primary before officially throwing his hat into the ring.

So for the time being, he’s officially just thinking about it.

But those official thoughts might not actually be his.

DARPA are currently working on another of their bright ideas — their $60 million Neural Engineering System Design program (AKA “implantable neural interface”) described on their news site as a way to transfer data between a human brain and the digital world.

Rather than going into how it’s a combination of neuroscience, synthetic biology, low-power electronics, photonics, medical device packaging and manufacturing, systems engineering and clinical testing, let’s just say it’s a biocompatible device that’s small enough to be popped into the closest convenient cranium.

In simple terms, it’s a kind of brain modem, but modems work in two directions. So it’s not difficult to imagine that, with a bit of sneaky implantation while Bloomberg wasn’t looking, those official candidacy thoughts weren’t actually his to start with.

Far-fetched? Not so: the other day a panel at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland were introduced to the possibility of robots (and smartphones and tablets and computers) reading our minds. That’s according to Technocracy News — and there’s no law against having our thoughts invaded. Yet.

But there’s always the possibility DARPA have already succeeded in creating their brain modems, which may even now have been installed — legally or otherwise — in craniums across the country without their owners knowing it.

This could explain the recent electrical blackout in Anchorage AK, not too far from the Palin residence at nearby Wasilla.

Some sources have put that down to an earthquake nearby. There seems to have been several of those around the world recently, according to the China Daily News website, which also advises us to ask our pandas, snakes and chickens if an earthquake is on the way.

There was little said about that Alaskan earthquake from any pandas in the area, so there’s always the possibility that the blackout was actually caused by huge Alaskan mainframe NSA-type computers.

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It’s not unrealistic to imagine DARPA secretly implanting one of their brain modems into a certain ex-Governor’s skull and linking it to those computers. After all, someone’s got to figure out the precise thought patterns behind that rambling endorsement speech. National security, you understand.

And it’s not unrealistic to imagine those mainframes giving it their best shot for several agonizingly frustrating days before their decision to give up, commit digital hara-kiri … and take their power supply with them.

Back in the land of the living, the Christian Science Monitor informs us that Jeb Bush asked hundreds of New Hampshire voters at a recent state Republican Party presidential candidate forum to forgo Donald Trump.

He told them they have the chance to reshape the whole primary, and called Trump a “gifted entertainer” — well, his entertaining gets him the media attention he wants, doesn’t it?

And the Sun Times Network lets us know what else he’s been called — specifically by trading card company Topps, in its new card series “Garbage Pail Kids: American as Apple Pie in Your Face”.

It might not be that clear who Joyless Jeb, Berserk Bernie, Brainy Ben and Hounded Hillary might be …but Donald Dump? Couldn’t be more obvious.

Anyway, perhaps it’s best to avoid Manhattan for a while, just in case he actually sticks to his word, stands in the middle of Fifth Avenue and takes aim at somebody there, just to find out if shooting them really would lose him any voters.

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