In Other World News — From Chukchuk … to Censorship … to Cat Calendars

While North Korea’s “H-Bomb of Justice” continues to make headlines, there’s still other news from around the world.

The New York Post, for example, takes its readers to Kyrgyzstan, where UK citizen Michael McFeat originally faced a five-year jail term thanks to his recent Facebook post. It upset the locals when he referred to chukchuk, a local sausage, as an intimate part of a horse. Instead he’s now being deported, on the grounds that he’s insulted the country. It’s a good thing he’s not going to jail if chukchuk features on Kyrgyz prison menus. He’s probably lost his taste for it by now.

Meanwhile in Scotland, the Toronto Sun tells us that winner of the British Erotic Award for Sex Worker of the Year 2013 (and political candidate) Charlotte Rose is about to launch the career of another extremely intimate — but this time bionic — part of its new owner, Mo Abad. It replaces the original which was lost years back in an eye-wateringly nasty accident. But they could rebuild him. They had the technology. And Rose, bless her, is doing it pro bono.

Whether he’ll take his bionic appendage to China to earn the equivalent of an iPhone 6s for donating sperm there remains to be seen. According to the UK’s Metro, Shanghai’s Renji Hospital is using the iPhone as bait for volunteer donors, with the tagline “no need to sell your kidneys, easily have a 6s”.

Apparently there’s a six-month time limit to produce a specified volume of donation. Towards the end of those six hard-working months Mo might need a little assistance for the job at hand. Normally, say those in the know, there’s a certain amount of inspirational literature available, but if Mo’s expecting something along the lines of the most censored image in China, he’s in for a surprise.

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The image in question isn’t one of interesting people doing interesting things with each other in interesting ways, but it is the image of a particular plastic Winnie the Pooh toy. It’s been edited out of absolutely everything, everywhere in China because the Bear of Little Brain is so closely associated with Chinese President Xi Jinping, although not in a very positive manner.

Meanwhile, not too far away from the Chinese mainland, five booksellers have mysteriously disappeared from Hong Kong. The Global Timesnewspaper accused them of selling publications that create “negative effects” so it’s not that difficult to connect the dots and conclude that they’ve been discovered secretly selling illicit copies of AA Milne’s classic “The House at Pooh Corner”.

But it’s quite possible they could have just taken a quick trip to Moscow to collect up remaindered copies of “The Words that are changing the World” — the 400-page collection of Vladimir Putin’s saltiest one-liners — to sell back home. Reuters informs us that it was an ideal holiday gift for patriotic Russian officials, and a snip at only 800 rubles.

While in Russia, those missing booksellers could also be grabbing as many unsold Vladimir Putin 2016 calendars as humanly possible to take back to sell — if a monthly presidential pin-up would go down well at home.

Perhaps Hong Kong’s taste in calendars might run to something a little more mainstream, though, like, say monthly pictures of cats. So maybe those missing booksellers are instead snapping up the surprise best-selling Russian cat calendar of 2016. It features not just fabulously furry felines but also their bushily-bearded owners. Who just happen to be Russian Orthodox priests.

According to the news website, spokesman for the governing body of the Russian Orthodox Church Vsevolod Chaplin said the calendar was “no great sin”.

“But,” he continued, “I wouldn’t hang it on my wall.”

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