Monday gibberish, to celebrate the last day of February 2022.
Diary of a Parisian misfit (Thoughts and life stories from a dude born and raised in the city of lights)
Hatred, greed, and tribalism, are slowing us down so much as a species. We could accomplish amazing things on a global scale, what a shame.
Is it so hard to wish the best for people around us? The happiness and success of others should be celebrated and stimulate everyone to grow and try better themselves. And damn, we don’t have to agree on everything but we could at least all respect each other.
At the end of the day we are just primitive apes trying to look morally superior and smarter than we actually are.
Over the last 4 years spent around Asia and mostly in South Korea, I witnessed a lot of selfish behaviors. I’m not going to get into details here, but to me there’s a difference when it comes to human relationships, between having mutual respect, empathy, some kind of common agreement to know more or less where things will go or not go, but at least there’s a genuine connection, trust, and communication about it. And the fact of using someone for your own gain then disappears, or not being able to behave like a fucking adult to give a quick explanation and say goodbye. Don’t get me wrong I love South Korea, and life is about pros and cons, and finding balance with both. I’m not throwing anyone under the bus, simply sharing how I feel.
Anyway, I got hurt a few times and obviously also made mistakes. It took a toll on me, but I eventually chose to focus on the only things I could control, my behavior and my reactions to these situations. I questioned myself a lot, trying to figure out where I messed up and how I could have done better, because I don’t take pleasure in hurting people, playing games or shit like that. I’m not the kind of dude who shy away from tough conversations, and I want to solve issues to avoid the snowball effect and miscommunication, even if we are in the process of parting ways. It’s all about respect. My beliefs and way of living has been challenged which is a very good thing, that’s the main goal of going out of your comfort after all. It taught me valuable lessons, like taking a really more stoic approach to life, communicate my thoughts and feelings in more clear and efficient ways, but more importantly, to fucking listen, listen, listen.
Being back since mid September 2021 in Paris, and having to sort a lot of old family shit and looking at old pictures, I truly came to realize how my dad had made my life a living hell when I was a kid, and how it impacted me. Good news is, I digested all these feelings, and I freed myself. Damn, my mom really did a great job, she did her best to protect me, and raise me alone. I don’t like manichaeism, I’m aware the world is not black and white, he had a terrible life and lots of demons, but that’s not an excuse to make the life of your family and people surrounding you a living hell. Being an adult means taking responsibility and ownership of your life, and you have to step up your game when you are a freaking parent. When this toxic alcoholic asshole died during my early 20’s, I felt relieved from a burden, I felt free. There were not many alternatives, it was that, or I would have eventually fought with him. Shit, I have no idea where I’m going with all that.
Whatever happens there’s only one thing to do, move forward.