A Work in Progress: My Ongoing Journey to Connect
Just like popular belief, we all need others to thrive, not just for their roles in fulfilling our daily needs, but also for our emotional well-being.
I realized this profoundly during the COVID-19 lockdown. Back then, I didn’t recognize how much the lack of social interaction impacted me. I stayed home, avoided people, and isolated myself. I attributed my low mood to negative thoughts, low self-esteem, and a belief that I was okay alone. However, I now understand that the root cause was the absence of social connection, which left me with nothing but my own thoughts.
Since the pandemic restrictions eased, I’ve embraced a new routine that involves more social interaction, which I admittedly entered later in life. This increased social engagement has made me more aware of myself, and I’ve noticed a gradual improvement in my mood and mindset.
However, I still struggle to fully engage and connect with others on a deeper level.
Looking back, this tendency to isolate myself has been a pattern throughout my life. Even as early as preschool, I remember hiding under a table where my mom worked, content with my diary and my own thoughts. Throughout middle and high school, I primarily interacted with close friends from my year group and never formed close bonds with older or younger students, despite participating in clubs and organizations. College wasn’t much different.
In short, I’ve always kept my social circles small and haven’t actively expanded them. Perhaps this is partly due to my introverted nature, but I don’t want to use that as an excuse.
The transition to the professional world was a stark contrast. Suddenly, I found myself geographically isolated from most of my friends, forced to maintain long-distance relationships.
I know I take time to trust people, adjust to new environments, find conversation topics, and experience that essential “click” with others. My comfort level with interpersonal communication might be lower than with self-reflection. But please believe me, I’m putting in the effort. I’m trying, I’m trying so hard.
I actively try to socialize more, participate in conversations (even if I sometimes observe from the sidelines), and seek opportunities to get involved.
I know I am slow, but I try. This is a lifelong journey for me. I hope to look back one day and see how much I’ve grown as a person and how I’ve improved my social connections.
And until then, please always stand by me.
