Accepting That I’m Fragile and Vulnerable
“Shimmering beautiful
And when I break it’s in a million pieces” — mirrorball
I always think of myself as someone who is pretty much level-headed. Able to handle my emotions to a certain degree, appearing calm like still water even though beneath that is a disastrous turmoil of emotion. Many things have happened in my life that made me able to be like how I am right now. Some things change, but certain parts of me remain the same.
Beyond many of those aspects, I think my emotional sensitivity is one of the strongest. As a person who leans more toward emotion rather than logic, this is like a naturally-born aspect that goes along with it. I rejected this since I thought it was a remnant of my weakness. But lately, a certain wind brought me here.
But let’s take a step back and try to understand it. You’re a person who is easily tuned into certain emotions that arise from external sources: a romantic scene within the film, certain pages of your favorite angst novel, or even the heartwrenching ending of a manhwa that you read for 3 years.
Sometimes, it immerses you in a way no one could describe, and it is even more obvious in a real-life situation. You took every interaction at heart, as your heart might desire a connection that could mean something, or it is because you’ve turned out to be a hopeless romantic, too, which is like icing on the cake.
Nowadays, everyone seems to enjoy the perspective that feeling your emotions is a form of weakness. They won't even acknowledge your feelings even when you express your concern or dismay.
“Wow, chill out will you”
“Why so serious?”
“You can’t take a joke”
“Why are you overreacting”
“You’re too sensitive”
Sounds familiar, right? Maybe life tries to throw this word at you, or some people in real life or online blatantly spoke these words to you, or even your mind keeps telling you that you’re too dramatic and such. It is a word that has been thrown at my face, too, to the point I resent myself for being “weak.”
Time went by, and I took the moment to assess and contemplate. It was a mistake to ever blame yourself for being who you are. To be born with a heart capable of feeling my inner world more than others isn’t a weakness; even worse it’s not any fault within me.
I like to think that it is a gift for me, a fraction of compassion that gives me an advantage to walk on this earth. I was able to tune in with the emotions of other people near me and help me bond with them. It is something that can bring people to easily connect to you, while at certain vantage points, I can give them some sort of comfort that it is okay to be vulnerable sometimes.
Life might be cruel, but also beautiful in a way between the twist and turn, why not let yourself be a little gentler when the times need it?
Being vulnerable — or fragile — is a leap that not everyone could ever able to do. To embrace something that is perceived as a “weakness” is a tough task. If you’re able to do it, wouldn’t that mean you’re stronger than you think? Not many can perceive themselves and grow forth by embracing the part where they think they’re fragile.
You might ignore that part where you believe that you’re enough without it. But you know, in the back of your mind, You’ll realize a part of you is missing somewhere along the line, which you might never be able to find again.
Aside from that, the benefit that it gives is the hyper-awareness of everything, both bad and good things. At times it feels suffocating and overwhelming, but if I am capable look at bad things in a clearer view, shouldn’t I be able to look at the good things in life and people in a more delicate way too? Isn’t that why I could see the beauty within life and the people around me?
You are brave, to take this journey along the earth.
You are brave, for expressing your true self without a doubt.
You are brave, for embracing your vulnerability.
It is not your fault for being fragile.
