Endless rejection, but why are you still trying?
What is meant for you will come to you
A week ago I came home using public transportation, struggling to hold back my tears on the way because I thought I had failed my scholarship selection interview.
At the end of the interview, I asked the interviewer and the observer for feedback. They told me that I needed to learn more about the scholarship program. The truth is, I have done extensive research on the vision, mission, and purpose; I even know the people behind the scholarship. Unfortunately, my answers did not seem to impress them.
I am sure that I will not pass the interview. Yes, you could say I’m being negative, but I’m just trying to be rational.
If I failed the scholarship, it would go to number three on my list of failures. I failed to get an internship last month, twice. I didn’t pass the resume screening. I thought I was capable enough since I have experience, but it turns out they throw my resume away. Not to mention, I got feedback from expert about my resume, which makes me feel more confident to apply for the job I have been dreaming about. It turns out that life always offers you many unexpected results.
You think your resume is good enough with experience lists that are relevant to the job, but it turns out you did not get the interview email. You think you can ace the interview because you are well prepared, but in reality you are just a total mess. I think the point here is that we have to expect the unexpected.
From every failure I encountered, I try to manage my expectation. I will just put my expectation on the average, which means I will be happy and grateful if I get the job or scholarship, but if I fail, I will just go with several lines as my courage:
It is what it is, I am not the only one who failed.
Failures will lead you to your milestones in the future.
What is meant for you will come to you.
So, with all the rejection emails and the ghosting, why do I keep trying?
Simply because I need to take care of myself.
I deserve a home that screams peaceful. To rest on a bed that is soft and comfortable. To enjoy every meal I want. To travel to faraway places. To explore new things. To find hobbies that excite me. To be part of communities that make me happy. To buy a lot of books without looking at their price tags.
I deserve a good life. I keep trying because I believe that failure is not the end. All these rejections will be worth it in the future.
One day, I will wake up in the morning and check my email.
CONGRATULATIONS AND WELCOME ONBOARD
Yes, I am sure that day will come.
I am the only one who can make myself happy. She is the only one I have, the only one I can depend on. I cannot rely on my parents, my siblings, even my best friends. They have their own lives too, and I am not the center of the world.
Everyone struggles on their own. I just need to build up a muscle of resilience and to slow down a little bit to be able to appreciate all the effort that I have put into it.
I will just keep trying and trust the process.
