(ENG) grieving is also a celebration
It’s not pathetic to be fragile
What is sadness? Why do I feel sorrow and feel like I don’t want to do anything? It feels weird to comprehend human behavior, right? Like, why are humans the only species that have emotions? It feels like a curse and a miracle at the same time. The older I get, I feel like I no longer feel real sadness.
No more things, linger in my body and mind, sucking me dry. I no longer feel that way. Now, it’s more like getting hit by a car — I mean when suddenly bad memories hit you so hard that you can’t get up for a while. That’s what I feel most of the time.
When humans have connections, it increases the level of conflict. There will be a lot of disagreements because each human is a different right? Different habits and ways of treating others. But is this the way human life is supposed to be? To have conflicts with their species? I know people will say not everyone needs to experience fights.
But I always believe if you really know someone, if you are really close with them, you will have conflicts. You will need to confront things that bother you because that’s how life works. So if you think you don’t experience that, I think you aren’t close enough with them or you just don’t know them well. Sad truth, but yeah. The human connection without some crashes will be sore and lacking. It won’t be the same as when you’re close but have experienced a lot of confrontation. The wall is there, and it makes those without crashes not get the full experience of a deep, real human connection.
But what is the reward if you accomplish all of that? Obviously, I don’t have the capability to fully explain it, but based on my perspective and my life, you will reach the peak of acceptance. When you and that person understand each other without talking, there will be no more fighting over small stuff, no more venting or rambling about unnecessary things. Just acceptance of flaws and everything; you just accept him as a whole person and often say, “Oh, that’s just him anyway.”
If you ask me if it’s worth it? For me, it’s totally worth it, but the journey is like a nightmare because it’s something you can’t describe and not everyone will understand what you feel. People will say it’s toxic or unhealthy, but in the end, the only one who can judge is yourself because people cannot experience what you feel. So for me, just trust yourself. Don’t too often swallow suggestions from other people — it might be a trap (but I’m talking about things that are obviously not toxic).
So after we talk about human connection, let’s talk about grieving. Why do I say it is a celebration? Because when you grieve, you will experience emptiness or an uncountable sorrow inside your heart. Even if you feel numb, you will get through it.
I mean the grief — because grieving is just a process, and it needs to happen. You cannot run; you just need to accept the grief. And when it’s over, you’ll be happy that you can feel things again, or you’ll think life is always like this: it will just come and go. It will pass.
But it will not be gone. It’s a little confusing, but that’s always what I feel when I’m grieving. I always think that maybe it’s not bad. Things will always be yin and yang. You cannot always feel the sunshine. You need something that makes you feel sorrow, sad, or fragile because that makes you human. Yeah, like I said before, humans have emotions unlike any other species, right? So why not celebrate it?
