First Time
Plenty said, I should have forgive both my father and mother, because apparently it is their first time to be parents. But have they ever considered it is also my first time here? I was born like a blank canvas with nothing on it; not even a single mark written on me, and I was confused too.
Nobody told me what is emotion, is it okay for me to loudly cry when someone stole my doll? Or that was just a shameful action and will lead me into a punishment?
Nobody told me what is imperfection, is it okay to score B on my exam? Or that counts as a burden for my parents?
Nobody told me what is anxiety, is it okay to feel like something weighing down your chest? Or that was a daydream because I never be grateful of my life?
Nobody told me what is failure, is it okay to spilled a water on clean floor because my hands are wet? Or that was a part of my clumsiness then I have to be shouted out loud and deserve to be called idiot?
Both of me and my parents were clueless. But why do everyone put their goddamn expectation towards the children only? Isn’t it selfish to hope a little creature with their empty mind and pure soul to understand their parents' rage? Don’t you ever think it is a shameful act to force a child functionally work like an adult just because they are the first-born one?
People always told me to apologize because taking care of children is not an easy task to do, but have you ever asked my parents to ask my forgiveness too? I was too young to be shouted and their voices keep echoing inside my brain, I was too young to be beaten up and the bruises will remain forever in my head, I was too young to process everything. In the long run, they always haunted me like a never-ending nightmare.
Ma, Pa. It is also my first time, don’t you think I deserve an apology too?
