have you forgiven yourself?
I’ve heard so many people saying mohon maaf lahir dan batin to each other today, but the question that keeps popping up in my mind was: have they forgiven themselves?
It’s a curious thing, how we’re taught the virtue of forgiving others, yet so often, we forget about the person who might need our forgiveness the most: ourselves. We talk about letting go of grudges, about moving past old hurts inflicted by others, but what about the wounds we inflict on ourselves? The missed opportunities, the harsh words uttered in moments of anger and sadness, the promises we failed to keep.
It’s easy to get caught up in forgiving others and forget that we, too, need to extend the same kindness to ourselves. Forgiving ourselves is a journey that many of us postpone indefinitely, not realizing that it is the path towards true inner peace.
Recently, I’ve been learning about the importance of forgiving myself. It’s been an enlightening experience, one that has revealed to me just how crucial self-forgiveness is to my overall well-being.
Sylvia Plath once wrote, “I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart. I am, I am, I am.” These words echo the profound truth that in the act of acknowledging our existence, with all its imperfections and triumphs, there’s a subtle nod towards self-forgiveness. It’s an acceptance of being flawed, of being human.
But how does one begin the process of forgiving oneself?
In my case, the journey often starts in solitude, in the quiet moments when the noise of the world fades away, and all that’s left is my own reflection. It’s in these moments that I’ve learned to sit with my thoughts, to really listen to the stories I’ve told myself about my failures and shortcomings. This process of introspection is not about indulging in self-pity or dwelling on what went wrong; rather, it’s about approaching myself with curiosity and compassion, as I would a dear friend.
I’ve discovered that writing down my thoughts and feelings can be incredibly therapeutic. It allows me to express what I’m going through without judgment, to see my experiences from a new perspective. Sometimes, I write letters to myself, offering the understanding and forgiveness I would extend to someone I love. Other times, I write down the lessons I’ve learned from my mistakes, affirming that they have contributed to my growth.
Another essential step in this journey has been learning to challenge the critical inner voice that amplifies my faults. Instead of letting it dominate my thoughts, I’ve started to question its validity and counteract it with evidence of my strengths and achievements. It’s a way of rewiring my thought patterns, of slowly building a kinder, more supportive inner dialogue.
Forgiveness also involves accepting that some questions don’t have clear answers, and some situations can’t be changed. Recognizing the limits of my control and understanding that holding onto self-blame won’t alter the past but can affect my future. This realization has been both humbling and freeing, guiding me towards releasing the burdens of guilt and regret.
Above all, forgiving myself has required patience. Just as wounds take time to heal, so does the heart. There have been setbacks and days when old regrets resurfaced with a vengeance, but these moments are part of the process too. They remind me that healing is not linear and that self-forgiveness is an ongoing journey, not a destination.
Each step on this path brings me closer to peace, to a place where I can accept my past, embrace my present, and look forward to my future with an open and a lighter heart. So, I’m asking you, as much as I’m reminding myself: have you taken that first step yet?
P.S. This writing, at its core, is a reminder for myself. It’s something I’ve laid down in words so I can return to it whenever I’m most in need.
To those celebrating, I wish you a heartfelt Happy Eid Mubarak! May this festive season bring renewal and joy, not just to you and your loved ones, but also within yourself. Let’s embrace this time as an opportunity to forgive and to be kinder to ourselves and others. May we always find the grace to forgive.
