Resigning from my dream job

Does hustle culture guarantee success?

When I was a kid, my parents used to work late nights and left just as the sun rose. It wasn’t until high school that they realized they had missed some of the most important milestones in my life because they were too busy working.

I don’t think any child has ever said that being a ‘consultant’ was something they wanted to be when they grew up. It certainly wasn’t my childhood dream.

I’ve always enjoyed being creative: painting, making potteries, arts and crafts, and graphic design. But the traditional narrative — especially being raised in an Asian family — is that it might not be financially sustainable as a primary job. Taking business management in one of the “top” public universities in the country led me to be surrounded by very ambitious people.

I don’t know why people who don’t have demanding parents tend to raise children who set high standards for themselves (including me).

Does anyone feel the same way?

My life motto used to be to excel in any opportunity I had “just in case” because I thought there was no harm in doing so.

“The Life Plan” — The Little Prince (2015)

I had a life plan. To get good grades just in case I need to apply for a prestigious school, to get into several internships just in case I want to get into a good corporate job, to finish my food just in case I’ll regret wasting it when I’m hungry, and the list goes on; but life isn’t linear that way.

I’ve b̶e̶e̶n̶ d̶o̶c̶t̶r̶i̶n̶e̶d̶ heard that an entry-level experience in consulting will be a huge stepping stone to any career, and they’re known as one of the most challenging industries to get into. People who work in consulting are usually known for having a high GPA, extensive achievements, and leadership experience. But what piqued my interest was how they branded themselves as ‘doctors’ for businesses — to help people. And maybe, to some extent, I liked challenging myself.

Throughout my university years, I would join multiple organizations and competitions simultaneously, tirelessly working on unpaid projects, investing all my time and energy in analyzing data and making decks with the dream of getting into a prestigious consulting firm.

But the one thing that I failed to consider was culture. People around me had told me snippets of how tiring it’d be, but they’d take pride in posting Instagram stories of working late nights anyway.

…and a part of me was still curious.

Perhaps I just happened to be placed in a case, team, or company I didn’t fit into then, but today, my dream job is no longer my dream job.

It’s no secret that consultants make a huge amount of money, but when you hear from them first-hand, “I wouldn’t do this if it weren’t for the money,” it questions your purpose in life.

I used to look up to people in this industry and how they have transformed large businesses from going bankrupt to being profitable. Maybe I’m still naive, but it became clear that money and status can change your intentions.

With the long working hours, they relieved stress by going to the fanciest and expensive dinners with drinks afterward, accompanied by some questionable laughs about their clients. The conversations ‘outside work’ also seemed very superficial. It didn’t feel like we genuinely wanted to know each other on a deeper level; it was just surface-level conversations to play the part.

Bob Parr looking bored at the office — The Incredibles (2004)

“Let me know when your whole life goes up in smoke. Means it’s time for a promotion.” — Nigel on The Devil Wears Prada (2006)

You can rarely go home early. You enter the office at 9 AM and arrive home at 10 PM. Sometimes, you’d still have more work to finish at home. Home is no longer home; it’s just a place to sleep and shower because you’ll have to leave an hour earlier the next day to avoid traffic. Once you step foot in the office, as an entry-level, you’re programmed to do whatever your manager says, even when you do not know how. All you can do is mentally prepare to get criticized if you do it wrong, and you will most likely get it wrong in the first few months. And you’ll spend about 15 hours constantly feeling anxious about what else could go wrong today.

I believe there’s always a kinder way to tell people they did something wrong — especially when it’s not on purpose. In team meetings, it’s common for someone in the team to get scolded for not doing their work accordingly (in front of everyone). Yet, at the same time, it was hard to tell what the higher-ups wanted, and I didn’t feel like it was a safe place to ask questions. Especially because the one time I built the courage to ask on my second week, my manager told me, “You’re supposed to know this.” it left me wondering, “Which one was I supposed to know?” I was never sure when it was okay to ask or when I had to figure out things independently.

Also, what’s the point of having weekly team check-ins if most of your team members don’t feel comfortable working with you and are afraid to express that?

When you thought you’d stop competing with other people after the recruitment, every day still felt like a competition. It was a competition of who had the most initiative in the team, who was the most fast-response and available, and who would go the extra mile for a task. People there were individualistic. They cared much more about the work they were assigned to and would only offer help when it benefited them somehow.

Is this the life I wanted?

Ironically, I watched The Devil Wears Prada a few hours before my interview. And I thought I could be Andrea Sachs.

I once had the mindset that this discomfort was necessary for my growth, that having no sleep and being yelled at by your manager is an inevitable part of the success of any career.

I was afraid that people would see me as weak. That I couldn’t survive working under pressure.

But deep down, I knew I could excel under a certain amount of pressure, but it’s just that this kind of pressure could not push me to thrive.

I don’t want to spend 90% of my life working in a place that doesn’t treat its employees as humans first. The way they tend to shame someone in front of a group whenever they did something wrong, the way being scolded is so normalized, and the way some people were disrespectful of my faith, too.

I thought having this experience as a stepping stone in my CV meant I could easily get accepted into any firm I wanted to work in — because that was what they boasted about in info sessions and career preparation webinars. Surviving in prestigious firms seemed like a badge of honor symbolizing perseverance, which meant that if you could survive there, you could survive anywhere.

Sometimes, we forget that there are so many other paths to success. I do believe that some sacrifices have to be made to pave the way for ‘success,’ but you can choose what to sacrifice.

Is it your social status? or money? reputation? health? sanity?

We tend to overlook that the true luxury of life is time. Once you miss it, you can never get it back.

I don’t think a career should make you choose between work and life.

Long story short, I resigned.

And the first day was a breath of fresh air.

This piece was originally published on November 20, 2023, just about a week before my graduation when I was still searching for what I wanted to be.

Fast forward to a few months later, I pivoted to a different career where I ended up meeting the most amazing people and worked in a place with a culture that cares for your well-being. If anyone needs to hear this, have hope that there will be places out there that will value you! :)

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