i was 8 when people became something i hate the most

People lied to you and I’m sorry that they lied about everything.

Joker, played by Joaquin Rafael Phoenix

I wish I could go back to when I was a kid. I wish I could tell my parents that I never wanted to smile at every person we met. I didn’t want to shake everyone’s hands and tell them my name. I didn’t want to have a conversation with people and talk about the future. I wish I could tell my parents that the only mistake they made was to tell me that I should put a trust on people.

For a long time, I have been trying to put every piece of my childhood memory in order so that the good ones could come first. I tried and I failed. Funny how a bad memory could be easily spotted in millions of good memories. It is funnier that there’s nothing we could do about it.

I still can clearly picture the day I was forced to hold my tears because people said they hated it when I had perfect score on my exams. I still can clearly tell that it was the day I completely lost my voice, the day I told myself that talking became meaningless, the day I decided to stop pretending that I like being around people when I didn’t, the day people became something I hate the most.

I was 8 and I had my voice stolen. I was 8 and I was forced to learn how to accept things I didn’t want to. I was 8 when people became something I hate the most.

I don’t really like it when someone said that things needed to change for the better ones to come. I can’t see myself fit in the idea of changing, but sometimes I feel like things become quite different the moment people’s rage and anger were no longer frightening that I was just laughing.

See? The first reason why I hate people. They always put everyone in the same position and situation. People tend to say beautiful things that I somehow find it irrational. People made sweet promises knowing that they wouldn’t be able to actually realize it.

My parents told me good people say good things. And I prefer people saying bad things because it wouldn’t be disappointing if they lied since people are already a disappointment.