If I were your lover
If I were your lover, I would ask how your day was before you go to sleep. Not to the point of asking you every day, only when I sense a heaviness in the air around you. You could tell me anything, and I wouldn’t judge, because sometimes you just need someone to listen, right?
I would tell you that I love you before we go our separate ways to work in the morning, and before you drift off to sleep at night. I would tell you to take a break from your busy schedule sometimes, that it’s okay if you need a moment to breathe.
As you know I love to write, I would write you a letter for your birthday every year. I would write you encouragement or gratitude notes whenever I felt like it, showering you with an abundance of my writing.
If I were your lover, I’d give you many love letters, even a love song.
If I were your lover, I wouldn’t let you feel lonely. I’d give you space, of course, if you needed it. But in the meantime, I’d make sure to always be there for you. Even if it’s just the two of us sitting side-by-side, lost in our own thoughts, the comfortable silence would be perfect.
I’d be willing to eat out at the restaurant you recommend, or at the food stall you keep mentioning all week. We could order anything from fancy food to the most ordinary dishes.
We would go to all the places we can’t even pronounce, check off every item on our bucket list, go for night drives with the windows down, or watch the same shows for the hundredth time. I’d do everything for the first time, for the nth time, with you over and over again.
If I were your lover, I’d always make time for you.
If I were your lover, without a second thought, I’d get you anything that reminds me of you, no matter how small. It could be the exact coffee flavor you always buy, a keychain with your favorite comic book characters, or simply the chips you like that I see every time I’m at the grocery store.
I’d leave a small gift with a simple note on top of your nightstand for you to find when you wake up, to cheer you up and show you how grateful I am to have you in my life. And on a special occasion, I wouldn’t mind surprising you with concert tickets to your favorite band. Two tickets, just for you and me. I’d arrange everything and make sure your schedule works so we could go together. Price wouldn’t be a concern.
If I were your lover, I would hold your hand when we go out, knowing you worry about me getting lost in a crowd. And if holding hands wasn’t possible, I’d simply hold the edge of your hem, a way to let you know I’m right behind you.
When you’re tense and not ready to talk, I would gently rub small circles on your hand with my thumb, a silent way of saying that it’s okay not to be okay. I’d give you a long hug afterward, hoping it would make you feel better.
Or, in a rare moment where the music creates a great vibe, I’d ask you to dance with me, either a slow dance with your hand on my waist, or a more upbeat dance with our hands tangled together.
If I were your lover, touch would be another way to say “I love you.”
If I were your lover, I wouldn’t doubt your love for me.
if only i were your lover.
