I’m Still Learning How to Live
When I was a kid, I got told to never run in front of a dog or it would chase you. I understood it but I was still terrified of dogs.
On a random Thursday, for some reason I had to walk home alone from a Qur’an tutoring class and this time no one was protecting me from a dog that we had to walk past every day.
So, I got scared. I panicked and started running hoping that it wouldn’t notice me. But guess what? It did. It started chasing me and I started crying and screaming. I thought that was my last day of living.
I made it, though. It stopped chasing me when we got too far away from its house. But I really regretted running in front of the dog so much.
Sometimes I got lost in my own mind. Thinking what my life could be if I didn’t do this or that. If only I was nicer. If only I was better. If only I didn’t know that person. If only I didn’t run. If only.
“I’m wasting my life,” I thought.
“I should’ve done this instead,”
“Wait..”
It hits me. It hits me that I’m still learning. It hits me that I’m still growing. It hits me that experience is the best teacher.
I learned from my mistakes. I learned from my failures. Day by day, little by little, I became a better person.
I became better for people that I love, but most importantly I became better for me.
Regret is still very much a thing. But it doesn’t haunt me anymore. Instead it became a place. It became a home for me to grow. Until I grow bigger than it.
I grew bigger than my mistakes. I grew bigger than my failures. They don’t have to define who I am. I’m more than my problems.
I am living. Day by day I create new memories, new experiences. Day by day I’m learning. Day by day I’m growing. And day by day I keep realizing that living is more than just a chore.
Living is waking up knowing that you’re going to learn so many new things everyday. Living is enjoying your time walking in a park looking at bees and flowers. Living is enjoying your time with friends and family, holding tight to the memories.
Living is never running in front of a dog again because you learn that if you do it would chase you to death. Haha.
