In a room full of people, would anyone notice me?
Being surrounded by people yet feeling utterly invisible is a lonely feeling.
I went to the newest coffee shop opened in town by myself. At first, I only wanted to taste their coffee since my first and last sip from them was months ago and it was out of town. I was fully excited knowing they opened one near my place.
As expected, it was full of people. The euphoria of a new place will always hit different, doesn’t it? The place is cozy and clean. I spent my first visit for about three hours sitting there and doing my stuff.
My right and left were people talking to their companion. One came with a group of their friends, one with their family, and some others with their lover. I barely noticed someone coming alone — maybe it was just me.
I stared blankly at the ceiling and my ears turned buzzing out of nowhere. The place wasn’t too big and it was full of people. I started to wonder when somebody came in and randomly gazing inside, where would they put their eyes on? Me sitting in the far corner might be a little invisible, but maybe I’d be still visible.
However, it isn’t about a crowded coffee shop. It is a metaphor that I think suit what I had in mind. I came to this thought and still thinking about in other crowded places, would I be noticeable enough for someone to set their eyes on?
Given who I am and what I have, it might seem impossible to draw attention by simply being myself as I am. I felt strangely isolated. I’m not someone who can attract attention or draw people to me easily.
Instead, I have always been more comfortable in the background, observing from the sidelines rather than be the center of attention. I can’t shake the feeling that I’m destined to remain on the outside looking in.
The realization hit me like a wave hitting the rocks; I had never been the first choice to someone sought out in a crowded room. In a room full of people, nobody would notice me because I had never been an option.
And knowing that made something inside me ache a little because for me, it was not just about being noticed in that moment. It was about feeling seen and valued in a world where relations seemed to come effortlessly to everyone but me.
It is not that I crave attention or validation since I have never been one to seek out the spotlight. There is something about the thought of being completely unnoticed, of blending into the background so completely that I might as well not exist, that fills me with a sense of unease.
I watch as people around me laugh and have their own world without a second thought. And yet, I wonder if I will ever be a part of that, if I will ever find my place as the world seems to keep moving on without me.
The loneliness creeps as it screams towards my face that I am nothing but a pathetic lonely loser. It is hard not to feel like I’m somehow lacking, like I will never be enough to capture anyone’s attention.
As much as I tried to push that thought aside, it lingers in the back of my mind and shadowing me everywhere I am going. It is refusing to be ignored.
Maybe I am just another face in the crowd
Maybe I will never be the one who draws people to me effortlessly.
Maybe I will always be the one who sinks behind, unnoticed and unseen.
Maybe I am one of those people who blends into the background so seamlessly that no one even realizes that I am there.
And I find myself — again and again — asking the same questions that have never been answered. Would anyone even notice if I were to disappear? Would anyone miss my quiet presence? Or would I simply fade into the background, forgotten and overlooked?
In a room full of people, would anyone notice me? Would anyone see past the surface and recognize the lonely soul hidden within? Or am I doomed to remain invisible, forever longing for a bond that may never come?
